letters to catherine

happy fall=)

2011-11-15T08:32:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

it's been a fun fall so far=) let it be written that i am somewhat enjoying the cooler weather (but after 1 month of the cold i'll be ready for summer) and it makes me giddy to drink apple cider and make chili and cuddle on the couch. but what i REALLY want to do is put up our christmas tree=) we got a new village and train to put around our tree and i CAN'T WAIT to put it all up and watch you play with it. i can guarantee you that will be before thanksgiving.

speaking of fall, sara and daryl came to visit us a few weeks ago! (sara LOVES fall) here's a picture of you snuggling with them. you think you like them just a little bit? ;)

yesterday when we were riding in the car you started telling me about how the leaves change color in the fall and that y'all talked about that in school=) i tell your teacher ms michelle when you do things at home that y'all learn at school, and she just about starts crying=) that makes me love her, that she obviously is so proud of you too...did i tell you about the school situation?? i can't remember..but the first school we tried here wasn't so good, so after about a month we changed to another one that was right across the street and it is WONDERFUL!!! and that is a huge part of why the transition to georgia is getting better-i can actually enjoy my job that i like so much because i know you are happy when i'm away from you. i definitely couldn't say that while you were at your other school, so it makes me breathe a huge happy sigh of relief that where you are now is loving and nurturing and you get treated pretty close to the way you get treated when you're at home. but maybe with a few less kisses.

a few weeks ago we went camping with uncle keith and aunt elaine and grandypa-your mama is not a natural lover of camping, because i prefer showers and toilets, but it really was lots of fun! i was so hesitant to go, but it was one of your daddy's favorite childhood memories so i figured i should muster up some courage and eagerness and make it happen. so we did. and we loved it. it was such a great time being with elaine and keith, who we don't get to see too often, and grandypa was great showing you the campfire and entertaining us with his antics...thanks aunt elaine for all the sweet pictures!

and then we went to a pumpkin patch with uncle kelly and aunt misty and cousin hazel. lots of fun!

and here you are all dressed up in your halloween costume=) this year you were jessie the cowgirl from toy story. we can thank my sweet friend christi once again for such a great costume-mommy is nowhere near that crafty!! you loved dressing up and telling people that you were jessie=) and we loved watching you strut around knowing you were so cute=)

it's probably not a shocker that christi made this cute little fall outfit for you too=) thanks again christi!! i'm not sure where my sweet girl would be without you, at least in the fashion sense=)

this is of us dressing up our pumpkin like a turkey...

and here we are loving on each other=)

and here you are looking awesome after you put on everything you could find in your dress-up drawer...

that's all for now love. i love you so much and am loving watching you grown and learn and get smarter and smarter every day=)

mommy

food...and a wedding

2011-10-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

i have been a royal failure at this letter-writing/blog-posting business over the last few months. i blame it on the harder than anticipated transition to atlanta. (but it's getting easier! yay!) we do little things here and there and i used to be good at posting pictures as we do things, but not so much here lately. i will try to be better.

i was also thinking about how i am not good at making "lists" of what you're doing at different ages. you know how sometimes moms will make a list of what their kid is doing at 4 months or 12 months and stuff like that? i'm not good at it. i think it stresses me out to make an all-inclusive list that will most definitely not be all-inclusive. i will inevitably forget things. it's the perfectionist in me and i'm fighting her every day. but the subject of you and food is always on our minds, so the other day i thought i could make a list of some of your favorite foods as of late (notice i said "some" of your favorite foods...which makes it ok if i forget some items...this perfectionism is a sickness i think...) but here it is, nonetheless...

catherine's favorite foods at 3 years old:

-mushrooms. always always mushrooms. everything i make, you will ask me if there are mushrooms in it.
-broccoli. you eat this like candy. at grandypa's house a month or two ago you kept dipping broccoli in mashed potatoes and eating it like an ice cream cone. that-a-girl=)
-grapes. one of your favorite things to do is eat grapes and call gigi. we did it once and now you think that if we are gonna be eating grapes, we need to be talking to gigi. gigi likes this.
-lollipops. lots of items have come and gone from your favorite food list (beans, in particular; you tell me that you don't like them anymore) but lollipops have been an ever present item.
-asparagus. you eat them like french fries.
-green beans. you also eat these like french fries.
-french fries. you eat them like french fries=)
-chicken wings. this makes your parents so happy. you eat these like a trucker-not leaving a single smidgen of meat on the bone. this is also how your daddy eats chicken wings.
-spaghettios. because sometimes mama needs a break from cooking.
-graham crackers.
-scrambled eggs. this is another one of the few items that have been on the list since you first started eating real food.
-you like to "lick gum". you eventually ask me if you can chew it, but mostly you know i only want you to lick it.
-water. you won't drink much of anything else.
-puffs. those baby puffs. you love 'em. you used to steal all of max's puffs every time we'd be in their apartment. they probably keep their pantry stocked for longer now that we don't live upstairs...but that makes me sad=(

and the only thing that has consistently been OFF your favorite food list is:
-onions. i hear ya sister.

and there you have it. a list of "some" of catherine's favorite foods at 3 years 2 months old=)

love you baby girl. and i'm still so proud of you for eating. daddy and i can't get over it sometimes=)

mama

ps. blog posts without pictures make me sad. so here are some pictures from when we went to erin sutton's wedding back in july. it was outside, in birmingham, and as i mentioned before, it was july. we were very very hot. but we had lots of fun seeing lots of family friends and hanging out with the davis side of our family. love 'em. don't seem them nearly enough. and here are some pictures:

you and aunt misty

the davis "kids": your aunt elaine, uncle keith, you, your mama, your daddy, aunt nikki, aunt misty, cousin hazel and uncle kelly

i thought this picture was appropriate for the post about food, considering you have some getting ready to fall out of your mouth...

you and me. and mama debbie behind me. shaking our groove things in the conga line=) look how excited you are!! you definitely love to dance. daddy always says, "that girl loves to dance. just like her mama. we're in trouble."

my big 3 year old girl

2011-09-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

oh goodness. there are a million things to say. and i think i keep putting off writing this letter because i'm afraid i'll forget things. which i no doubt will. and none of these things are monumentally important, but i just like to have a little record of what happens with us....so here we go.

you turned 3 and we had a super fun birthday party=) some might argue (myself included) that a slip-n-slide lacks a certain "class" that i generally like to aim for...but the slip-n-slide was the hit of your party. that morning as daddy and arnold were setting it up, you kept falling on it and he slipped and cut himself and i was convinced it was gonna be a disaster and what was i thinking ever wanting to have this be part of a 3 year old's birthday party??? but it was most definitely a success=) here are pictures:

happy girl on your actual birthday=)

you and gigi made a bunny cake=)

you and your "baby doctor" - you had been asking if you could have it for weeks!

birthday party!

my loves

i think this smile is hilarious=)

you and that cousin of yours love each other SO MUCH!!! we wish anna cate could have been here to join in all the fun...

maxy-moo

major was the master of the slip-n-slide

you and hazel having a talk about slip-n-slide strategy=)

beautiful hazel girl

miley trying her hardest to just get a kiss=)

jackson enjoying the mud puddle caused by the slip-n-slide

max and catherine loving on rachel (there are two babies in her belly and we are so excited!!!)

talented aunt nikki made your dora cake=)

two beauties=) this might be my favorite picture ever of you and aunt nikki.

the two little davis princesses

moving on...you like to tell everybody that you are 3, and hold up your 3 fingers. not the conventional 3 fingers, but the 3 fingers that get held up when you make the "a-ok" sign with your hand. and then you like to tell me that "mama! there's a hole in it!" (meaning the little hole that your index finger and thumb make...i love the inner-workings of your brain=)) there was a picture of it up there where you and daddy and jackson are showing us how old you are...

you are OBSESSED with all things babies these days. several months ago i asked you if you would ever want a baby brother or sister and you said no twice, but ever since then you say "i want a baby brother AND a baby sister" and that has been your answer every single time we talk about it. i don't even bring it up anymore, but it's still a part of our every day conversation because apparently you think about babies all the time. you always ask if you can go to the store with gigi and get "that thing" you saw for your babies. (you and gigi saw some kind of crib or something in sam's, and you haven't forgotten it) you always tell me that you are going to bring your babies passies and diapers and bottles when they get here, and when we pass toys in the store you say that you think your babies would like that. no, i'm not pregnant. i feel like that's an important note to make. but if you had it your way, i would have at least two babies growing in my tummy right now. actually you'd probably prefer to snap your fingers and the babies would just appear. i don't think you're going to be very patient with the 9 months of waiting. but you go around telling people that mommy and daddy are having new babies and you pretend to give your babies (both baby doll and invisible baby) pretend pacifiers and bottles and you still tell us most mornings what baby you are that day: baby lion, baby kitty cat, baby piggy, baby puppy, baby inchworm (my favorite), or just plain baby, which we can only assume to mean human baby. you tell me that you can't walk yet in the cutest most pitiful voice and so you go crawling around on the floor. you tell me that i'm the baby and you're the mommy and you say "baby? what's wrong baby? just talk to me..." and daddy and i can't quit laughing wondering where you got "just talk to me...". and when you're the mommy you rub our face and pretend to pick us up and tell us it's ok but then you whisper for us to cry when you leave the room. and we obviously do as we're told. you pretend that the little mushroom in your play kitchen is a passy and you walk around with it in your mouth all the time. i'm a little worried that, whenever we do get you a real baby to play with, i'll find his/her pacifiers in your mouth...either way, this is a super fun stage and i hope you still love babies when we add another one to our family=) and if we ever have twins, which don't really run so strong in our family, i will give you full credit and call you a prophetess. (also-our friends lance and rachel are pregnant with twins. what a fun story that is for another day. well, it's not my story to tell, but it's still a GREAT story. they live in clemson, and before we moved we were with them pretty often, and you got familiar with the fact that there were two babies in her tummy. that's all i can figure out with your obsession with two babies...maybe you think that's the norm???)

a few weeks ago you had a little cold and you were coughing all-night-long again. so around 2 or 3am for a few nights in a row you would start your coughing fits and i tried this and that and finally realized that if i got you up and put you on the couch, gave you some cereal to eat out of a bag, got your cup of water and turned on mary poppins, you eventually stopped coughing. i don't know if it was the change in temperature from your room to the den, or the propping you up just a little bit more than usual, or if mary poppins truly is magical, but it worked. and it turned into one of the sweetest times for my girl and me. this is a BIG deal for me to say, because mommy sure does like her sleep. but we would snuggle and it didn't hurt that mary poppins happens to be one of my favorite movies=) and then another thing i have been dreaming of kind of evolved out of that: during the day you have started snuggling into my little wing (that's what daddy calls having your arm around somebody) and eating ice cream with me while we watch mary poppins. i can't even begin to describe how blissfully happy that makes me=) you very rarely will sit through an entire movie, and you also very rarely want more than a few bites of ice cream, but those two things make mommy's top 5 list of things to enjoy so i'm glad you're finally joining me there=) oh - and sometimes when you're pretending you're different babies you will say that i am mommy poppins and you are baby poppins and daddy is daddy poppins. another happy way to make mary poppins a daily part of our life=)

we went to the lake for labor day-lots of fun-here are some pictures:

nay-nay showing some sass with the little girls on the jet-ski

i think you were talking to somebody up on the porch-and i think your little face is precious=)

i have no idea what's going on here or what caused you to make this face, but i love it=)

you and addy talking with the people on the porch-again, i'm not sure why the binocular eyes...

nathan posing with the girls

your daddy, posing with the girls

silly faces=)

you and your new buddy addy

you two played baby and mama all weekend long=) (look at sweet lily-just along for the ride=))

and the most eventful thing that came from that trip is that you no longer have a g-tube!!!! we had decided along with your doctors that it was time to take the thing out. we haven't used it in a couple months and you're finally eating like any other child your age. you might actually eat more than any other child your age, but you're a skinny scrawny little thing and you might just always be that way. my theory is that the 8 inches they took out of your intestines when you were a baby really has made a difference, and you don't absorb as much from your food as you should-basically, it just goes right through you most of the time. pleasant to think about, right??? but we were eating dinner one night at the lake and when you were finished i was helping you hop down from your chair-your tummy rubbed up against my arm and i felt your g-tube but that has happened before and it was no big deal-so you took off across the room and as i was going to check on your tummy and make sure the tube looked ok, megan pointed to the floor and asked if that was a big deal...well "that" was your g-tube on the floor, no longer in your tummy. so i sat like a deer in headlights for a total of 5 seconds saying "ok. well. i think that's ok. um." and then i realized that i am fully capable of making the decision that we just leave it out. i knew that in the office all we would do would be take it out and wait a few weeks and see if it needed to be surgically closed...and we could certainly just do that at home. i thought it was kind of a sweet little gift that we were able to do that at the lake of all places without really knowing it was even happening...but to reassure daddy, and myself, i talked to dr carter (your new pediatrician and my boss) and sweet lindsay from uva talked to dr rodgers (your surgeon in virginia) the next day and we all decided that yes it was indeed ok to leave it out! it's been about a week and a half and it does seem to be leaking just the tiniest bit, so we'll go see GI one of these days soon and decide how to close it up. i wish so so much that you wouldn't have to be under general anesthesia for this but i'm guessing you'll have to be. we'll manage=)

a random fun moment the other day was when we were playing at home and you looked up at me and said: "mommy-how were you feeling at work today?"...i'm guessing this is because i ask you every day how you were at school, but i still thought it was so very intuitive and sweet for a 3 year old=)

remember how papa has cancer? things have kind of gone up and down but in a general downward pattern...we've gotten to see him a few times and on the day he decided would be his last sunday preaching, we along with a lot of cousins went to hear him. it was a sweet sweet day, and i think it meant a lot to him=) here are a few pictures of that:

he sat down the whole time, but he got through the sermon!!

uncle david and cousin keith helped him sing the songs during worship

a handful of papa's great-grandkids that were able to come see him that day

uncle nathan being silly...

so lady-like=)

ok sweet angel. that's all for now. i will try so hard to keep you updated more often than this one was...the transition to life in atlanta has been a little bit more difficult than i expected; mostly, i usually work slightly longer hours and it simply takes longer to get home from anywhere, so i have less time to play, or type. and when i'm home i want to be hanging out with my sweet girl, so the blog has taken a back seat. but i will try to do better=)

i love you baby girl-

mommy

ps-the other day you put your baby's stethoscope around your tummy backwards and started running around telling me you had a tail=) and then somehow you ended up with panties on your head with your hair sticking out the legs like pigtails. and here it is for your visual enjoyment...

all settled

2011-08-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

hi love=)

we've been in our house for 2 weeks now and we love it!!! daddy and i both tend to focus on nothing else but making the house the way we want it until it's done, so the boxes were gone within a few days and now everything seems to be in place. we have lots of plans we'll eventually get to, but it's pretty perfect for now=) here's a picture of you sleeping in your big girl bed on the first morning in your new house...your new bed was the only piece of furniture in the house at this point...the movers came about 3 hours later...

and here's your room now=)

and here you are with hazel seeing what all of your dress-up clothes think of your new house. well, you are. hazel looks normal but equally precious=)

next week we start our new jobs and you start your new school. and also next week you turn 3. i can't believe it and we are so excited to celebrate our sweet girl's first 3 years of life=)

love you sweet angel=) i'm going to enjoy my last week having you as a 2-year-old=)

mommy

hi.

2011-07-21T12:37:00.001-07:00

oh man am i behind. this past month has been packed full of things to share with you, but i suppose that's why i haven't done it. it's been packed full and i haven't had oodles of time to write bloggy letters. but the main stuff is that we:

a) went to the lake for the fourth of july. josh came. and brought you a flipping bike, for crying out loud. that boy goes big or goes home.

b) bought a house! we closed last friday and the movers come to south carolina to move our world to smyrna, georgia this monday. we are incredibly excited to start this next little chapter=)

c) happily hosted sara and daryl and dakota coming to visit us. i have no pictures from the weekend and i have no good excuse for that.

d) i don't really think there's a d. which makes me feel like the rant about how full our month has been was a load of malarkey. but part b includes faxing approximately 8 billion pages back and forth at least 14 times to the loan company, so that gives me a little something.

oh wait!

e) went to charleston for your follow up from surgery and everything looked great!!! the x-ray looked good and you're healing up nicely and the nurse practitioner said you were the "perfect patient" and i about threw a party right there because that has not always been the case, sweet one. but i'm immensely thankful that your body is back in order and appears to be behaving. here's to praying that it stays that way forever and ever.

remember how i said you said hospital like "ho-pi-si-tal"...??? here's a video of me shamelessly (and obnoxiously) trying to get you to say it clearly into the camera...the patience you have with your mother is endless.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

and have i told you about patty shukla i think her name is on daddy's ipad??? it's a lady who sings kid songs and you love her. and we have made some sweet and embarassing family memories dancing and singing to her. here's a video of you and daddy dancing to "jumpy jump jump" as you call it. you better believe our downstairs neighbors were loving us after this night...

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

fun, huh??? i guess that depends who you're talking to. but you light up our world with your excitement so we like patty shukla in our house=)

ok that's all. happy moving to us next week=)

i love you sweet angel.

mommy

cupcakes

2011-06-30T12:25:00.001-07:00

aunt nikki is super crafty. lucky for us, one of the ways this comes out is when she bakes yummy treats and we get to eat them=) here is a tiny peek into one of the delicious reasons we're thankful aunt nikki came to live with us this summer:

catherine and her pink piggy cupcake=)

you're welcome for the mouth full of green broccoli=)

you got two cupcakes dedicated to you because you are the cutest member of our family.

she didn't actually say this out loud, but i think this is supposed to be daddy...

i know. she's SO talented. and we are so lucky.

and this is you with your doctor gloves on making sure aunt nikki's ears are ok. you are my favorite doctor by far.

the girl likes her pool

2011-06-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

you had surgery june 10th. i had taken that thursday and friday, and then the next 2 weeks, off from work because we didn't know how long you would take to recover. turns out, you took about 4 days and then you were good as new. so after i checked with my office manager and made sure they were, in fact, surviving without me, i had two weeks at home with my girl who was running around and doing flips and acting like surgery had never happened. dr hebra recommended we wait about a week for you to go swimming so i figured maybe sometime mid-week we'd try the pool again. but monday we headed that way to "stick out feet in" because for some reason i thought that could be good enough for a sweet little almost-3-year-old who loves the water. next thing i know you're laying down on the first step of the pool, with your chest tube site and surgery incision fully submerged underwater. which is when i officially decided it was ok for you to swim again.

and we haven't looked back since. we've been swimming every day, i tell you. every day. your yellow swimmies from last year bit the dust so once we got some new ones for you, you were off in that pool swimming all by yourself. and then telling us all about how you can go swimming by yourself, but you want us to be there too. my brave little cautious girl. i love it=)

here you are enjoying some pool time. i LOVE that you love water, by the way. there are a very select few things that make mommy happier than feeling the sun on my skin while i sit beside or maybe even in some body of water. and you seem to have gotten the little water/sun bug from me=)

you're also not afraid of frogs, apparently.

i love you sweet babe. you fill me with such joy.

mommy

see the frog???

there you are pointing to it, just in case. i think it was in shock and it just sat there for a long time. then it hopped off and at first you thought that was so funny. then when you realized he was gone you were most upset. you could only be consoled by an otter pop. (you know otter pops? flavored ice pops? they are perfection at the pool.)

you and max. running the pool.

our new house=)

2011-06-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

we're moving to atlanta in a month. a month and two days, actually. and it's really smyrna, not atlanta. and we can't wait!!! well, that's mostly true. we have some sweet sweet friends in clemson that we will miss so much. we've loved living the last year with them. and i have this huge blessing of a job that i can't believe i'm leaving. but then i have another incredible job waiting for me in atlanta and every day i can't believe my lucky stars that something so perfectly matched for me has fallen into my lap, again.

and we're under contract for this little house that we love so much. we had our inspection last week and it went so well and we're just waiting on some things here and there and we close july 15th=) then we move on the 25th and do you know what i'm most excited about? putting my kitchen things away. is that weird? just a little tidbit about your mama. every move, i'm most excited about choosing where to put my kitchen things=)

and here is the best part. this week i actually (with the help of eve my new office manager and long-time family friend...) found and enrolled you in a little childcare place that i love!!!! i can't even begin to describe how relieved i am about this. probably more than the house or the job, i'm so thankful that we found a place we trust to take care of you every day=) i don't know how to go into it more than that, so i'll just leave it there.

good things happening, sweet love.

thank you Jesus for making all of our moving to georgia things fall into place. i can't pretend even for a second that this all isn't Your hand at work...You never cease to amaze=)

ok love. here are some pictures of you hanging out with daddy at our new house and trying to unlock the door. you're very excited about it and you keep telling me that your new room has 2 windows=)

love you babe.

mommy

you and daddy at your new house on father's day=)

you love your front yard. your favorite thing to do there right now is to run around in circles in the grass. (aren't the trees so awesome??? i think that's mine and daddy's favorite part. in virginia i loved how i could look up in our backyard and just see tree branches going everywhere. you can do that here too and it makes me VERY happy=))

ps. more pictures to come. my computer is acting wonky and they're not uploading right...

picture catch-up

2011-06-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

all of these things happened before surgery, but i didn't get a chance to show them to you before our latest hospital adventure. so here are some pictures=)

you and nik nik during some morning snuggle time

my little beauty=)

watching sid the science kid with baby donna in her high chair and your elmo finger puppet

going home=)

2011-06-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

we're going home today!

this morning we got scared for a minute because one of the doctors came in and said there was a place on the x-ray that they were concerned about and wanted to make sure it wasn't more bowel that had already re-herniated back into your chest. so we went downstairs to radiology where they could take a better x-ray and all is well!!! it's a collection of fluid, maybe a hematoma (collection of blood) but it should reabsorb on its own and it's no problem. so off to home we go with no planned surgeries in sight=)

you're SO much better. almost completely back to normal. you guard your left side a little where your incision is, but you're playing and wanting to run around and you insisted on going back to the playroom to paint some more and you're even smiling at your nurses again=)

here are some pictures of our last day here in the hospital (have i ever told you how you say "ho-pi-si-tal?? it's the cutest)

an afternoon full of awful means catherine's getting better!

2011-06-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

this afternoon you got your chest tube out, your epidural out, and your iv out by accident but then they decided not to replace it. so you're almost tube-free! and you were miserable during all of that, but you're so much better now. you got a boat load of morphine for all of those festivities, and you're still sleepy sleepy because of that, but we managed to go play in the playroom and take you to the cafeteria (you get to eat regular food since you're not getting iv narcotics anymore since the last double dose this afternoon) and you're already looking so much better. when we came back from your outings your sweet nurses had given you a pretty pink karate monkey pillow case that made the room feel a little happier, and we fed you some green beans, chicken, broccoli and apple juice, and you fell asleep almost immediately. so now you have lortab and that's what you'll go home with. dr hebra came by and said he was very encouraged by how you were doing and how your chest x-ray looked from this afternoon...he showed me some pictures from during your surgery (gruesome, and i don't know how i feel about the fact that i've now seen your insides) and we talked about how he isn't concerned about re-herniation with you but obviously it's a possibility, and he also mentioned that your pectus (where your chest dents in a little in the middle) will probably get worse as you get older and if it ever compresses your heart or lungs it would need to be fixed. but hopefully not. but overall, he was very positive about how things looked with you and he said we will probably go home tomorrow!!! i couldn't believe that. you still haven't pooped, but he's confident that since we've stopped the iv narcotics that will come along soon enough. hopefully before we go home, because i am quite sure i'll be a little basketcase until you do. it was sad sad this afternoon when you would tell me you were hungry but you had to poo poo first. the first couple of times you said this it was just a stating a fact kind of thing, but then i think you were super tired and probably so hungry and the third time you told me this you started crying and it broke mama's little heart. but then you got to eat and all is well in that department!!!

you've had lots of visitors. mama and daddy and aunt nikki and gigi and grandaddy and grandypa have been in and out. and arnold, hayley and max came by one afternoon. i had a video of nikki and daddy and grandypa dancing like loons on the couches and all around the room and singing to you, but then i deleted it by accident. it was funny and i think you would've liked to watch it one day and i'm so sorry i deleted it. but you are loved for sure. and you've had lots of people cheering you on and the doctor and nurse had quite an audience when they took your chest tube out. luckily they didn't seem to mind.

thank you Lord for taking care of our sweet girl. we are so thankful. it would be awesome if we could now have a bowel movement please=)

love you baby girl.

mommy

i can't wait till this grumpy look is not constantly on your face. we've gotten a few more smiles today and it makes me start crying every time.

you and grandypa with his flowing locks having an important conversation. i love your eyebrows.

your first official meal after surgery=)

i ordered green beans and broccoli and chicken fingers because they are usually your faves.

the green beans on this plate, however, were not your friend. i think your face is so funny. "what did you just feed me? you expect me to eat this?"

p.s. today is the 6th anniversary of when grandma donna went to live with Jesus. it was a sweet day of remembering her while you had a day of (painful) progress. i know she would be so proud of you sweet baby. or i know that she is proud of you. i don't know that works when you get to heaven, whether or not you know what's going on down here on earth, but i believe that the two of you are intimately bonded in deep ways we don't know about or can explain, and i will be forever thankful. we miss her so much and we're so thankful she is deep in the roots of our family.

a real smile=)

2011-06-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

soon after i wrote you that letter this morning, you woke up pretty happy. then daddy asked if you wanted to play with his ipad and you got so excited!!! you chose to play your dora christmas game and look how happy you are about it!!! it was our first real smile and it made all our hearts so happy=)

post-op day 2

2011-06-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

hi love=)

surgery went well. it was actually a little more complicated than they expected, but they were able to take care of everything and the fact that you never showed any signs of it being a little worse in there than we thought is a great thing. basically, it was a huge diaphragmatic hernia (only a tiny little rim of diaphragm left around the edge) and no diaphragm at all next to your esophagus. so he put in a patch like dr rodgers did at uva and sewed the patch to the little diaphragm you had and then to your ribs/vertebrae in the middle. it sounds almost exactly like what dr rodgers did when you were 2 weeks old...

yesterday was awful. awful awful awful. you were hurting a lot which we expected, but that doesn't really make it any easier to watch. i get really worried about the fact that you've had a bowel obstruction in the past and how lots of narcotics will slow down your belly from waking up even more, and you were needing a lot of morphine on top of the continuous epidural infusion you're getting. we decided to give you toradol around the clock (toradol is like amped up advil, and it's awesome) to maybe decrease the frequency of you getting morphine. and it's working!!! you got morphine at 9am yesterday, and 9pm last night, and none today so far!!! there's a risk for increased bleeding with toradol so we can't give it to you for too long, but it's working for what you need right now.

they went through your chest to do the surgery and that always makes recovery much more painful. but the major plus is that going in that way enabled him to not touch your intestines at all (there was that "mysterious membrane" holding them down that ended up being a hiatal sac and i have no idea what a hiatal sac is, but the important thing is that dr hebra just had to push the sac down and everything went back in place. and not manipulating your intestines also means less risk of another bowel obstruction.) and you also have a chest tube draining out blood and other fluid from in there, which also makes it more painful. so you have plenty of reason to be hurting so much sweet angel.

but yes, today is looking better. you're moving your legs (and crossing your ankles which i think is so funny because you almost always have your ankles crossed under normal circumstances. such a little lady;)) and you've given us a few tiny pity smiles. they do not at all look like genuine happy smiles, but you better believe we all kinda went nuts when we saw it=)

you haven't wanted your surprises from gigi but you're finally starting to come around. the first one she gave you was a cuddly elephant that she named elmer but daddy and i named it bontie elephontie. we're pretty proud of that name. it definitely makes us laugh but you haven't shown much of a response at all to how hilarious your parents are...

i've taken a few pictures with my phone but for some reason most of them have disappeared. it's probably just as well because you have been so pitiful and it's one of the saddest things i've ever seen. but here are some of the ones i still have...

your surgery was delayed by about 2 hours but you had a BLAST playing with all the toys in the holding room...

daddy wanted you to stand up in the car and play guitar with your tongue poked out. you did exactly what he said=)

this is from this morning when you were snuggling with bontie elephontie and gilly fish. look how grumpy you are=(

you still haven't really had anything to drink but these green "water sponges" are your friend. the first day when you got out of surgery you were ravenous with them. you actually bit off little chunks of it trying to get the water out because you were so thirsty.

dr hebra just came in to see you and said all is well. we're turning your chest tube from suction to just draining by gravity and he wants us to try and get you up a little bit today. this will no doubt be a challenge and painful with that whopper of a thing sticking out of your chest. but we'll see what we can do=) tomorrow we'll get your epidural out and maybe the chest tube too. we're starting to feed you pedialyte today so we'll see what your tummy decides to do with that. hopefully they will just push it right out where it's supposed to go.

love you babe. you are the bravest and toughest little thing i know.

mommy

funny kitties

2011-06-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

one of your favorite things to do with aunt nikki is watch youtube videos of kitty cats doing funny things. and one of my favorite things to do is watch you laugh at them=) here's a (long) video of you two (and daddy sneaking in there) while i ooh and aah to myself about how unbelievably perfect your pretty little face is and how your dimples make me ooey gooey inside and how i feel completely content watching your little body giggle with joy. i feel like most people will not have the patience to watch this whole thing, but it's one of my favorites=)

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also, you're in surgery right now. we've gotten a few updates and all is going well so far. i can't wait to see you sweet baby. when i was getting anxious with impatience daddy said "she's just gonna be sleeping" but i want to watch you sleep and kiss your nose and nuzzle your sweet cheeks.

and in other news, we bought a house today. we've been negotiating terms since sunday night and today everybody finally agreed on everything. and about 10 minutes after they took you to the OR john our realtor (who also happens to be my best friend robyn's hubby) called to tell us the good news.

so today has been full of mixed emotions, huh? but all is well=)

see you soon love-

mommy

i have to do this, and i have to do this...

2011-06-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

i think this is kind of hilarious...

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now let me interpret:

"and i got to get my rubberband and my lunchbox in school and i got to go in school and eat eat and eat some yogurt and i got to eat it with a spoon and and i got to make my bed and i got to eat some ice cream and some yogurt at school and i got to make my bed and that and that's all.............i got to make my ???????? all done and i got to eat eat some ice cream with a spoon and i got to make my bed and i got to make my ice cream then and eat it with a spoon...yeah...that's all!"

uh. the way you say spoon is kind of awesome. "pune". aunt nikki and i sit around sometimes trying to say it just like you. fun times.

love you little chatterbox.

mommy

memorial day at the lake

2011-06-08T08:30:00.001-07:00

hi love=)

we went to the lake for memorial day and it was tons of fun! your favorite thing right now is the panda bear float that you can sit in. after we got home you kept talking about it and wondering why we didn't have one to use at the pool. it sounds like we need a trip to target...

here are some pictures from our weekend at the lake:

catherine and jackson=bff. where is anna cate:(

girls' weekend girls: do you recognize this towel?????? (hint: dance party '07)

jackson, uncle nathan, and puppy cousin charlie on the jet ski

looks like fun, huh??? we love the lake. can't wait to go back.

i'm not sure when i'll write another letter so i should go ahead and address the fact that surgery is friday. we're ready to get it over with. i'm so sad that you have to have it, but i'm also confident that you're in great hands at musc. after that letter a month or so ago when i was not doing so well, i had some sweet friends (thank you renee, and sweet miss showalter) remind me that you don't really belong to me anyway. God has given me the greatest gift in you, but you belong to Him, and He will hold you close and take great care of you. so early friday morning they should take care of business in your belly and chest. we are obviously praying for wisdom and precision for the surgeon and anesthesiologist and everyone involved in taking care of you and that everything that needs to be fixed will be fixed. and we are praying for you to be calm and content and not too afraid and i pray that you will be comfortable and not feel too much pain and i pray that you will not feel lonely or scared being in a new scary place. and i pray SO MUCH for no complications from surgery. that your bowel will wake back up and start working just as it should and no bowel obstructions and no more intestines taken out...i pray that God will heal your little body and fill you with His peace. right now what you know is happening friday is that the doctor will give you a new "scratch" on your tummy/chest and that is where he's gonna make you better, and you also know that gigi is bringing you surprises to the hospital. so we're focusing on that=)

i love you baby. let's get this over with...

mommy

daddy's graduation

2011-05-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

hi love=)

a few weekends ago we went back to richmond for daddy's graduation! it was such a fun time seeing old friends and celebrating all of daddy's hard work. daryl graduated too and he was by far your favorite person of the weekend. here are some pictures...

daryl spots us in the audience

can you find your daddy? he was making funny faces at us throughout the whole thing.

i think he was a little bored.

this is the second ceremony of the day. you wanted to sit with sara. and here you're trying so hard to get daddy's attention!

here's daddy's little cohort...daryl, ben, daddy and maggie.

you were so proud of these two boys!

i think these three pictures are funny. for whatever reason, it was pretty difficult to get us all looking normal...this one's as close as we got.

sara and daryl looking good. our little family doing who knows what. i love us. all five.

i have a look of defeat on my face. you are hilarious. i love how daddy can't quit watching you=)

grandypa so proud of his son=)

daryl was your chosen one of the weekend. but then again he's your chosen one most weekends. (catherine loves daryl)

veronica came to the graduation party to see you! we were so excited to see her. (lindsay and megan, two of your uva nurses, came too. but it was 3 hours past naptime when they got there so we didn't get any pictures...)

some of our bff's in richmond. tripper, cherilyn, jeff, jessica, sara, daryl, and us. and little ava kate in the middle. we miss them so much!

look how awesome ava kate is!!! such a big girl.

that's it love!!! we had lots of fun and wish we got to see these people more often. they make all our memories from virginia sweet ones=)

love you sweet baby.

mommy

ps-a few days ago i got a job in atlanta. it is AWESOME. and we're making an offer on a house tonight. it is awesome too=) and you have surgery friday. big week, huh??

your morning with aunt nikki

2011-05-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

hi love=)

aunt nikki is much more productive than me. i have no problem with that. it's fun to come home at lunch and talk to you two about all the fun stuff you've done that morning. she packs more activities into one morning than i usually do in one week. that might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much. this morning y'all went to the botanical gardens where she pushed you on a walk in your stroller and then you pushed your "baby" around in the stroller (the baby is nikki's bag/purse) and then you played on the train, and then you went to chick-fil-a to eat hashbrowns (that was your specific request...it's one of your favorite foods) and then you played on the playground and then you came home and got all cleaned up and you were in the tub when i got home at 12:15. that may or may not sound like a lot of things to do in one morning, but i usually have a hard time getting rolling. i love knowing you're with aunt nikki while i'm at work=) and here are some pictures from your morning...

love you sweet muffin.

mommy

spanglish counting

2011-05-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

our time with dora dvd's has been well spent...and i should say that you normally are really awesome at counting to ten, and sometimes twenty now. we get a little confused mixing in the spanish numbers with the english numbers, but i kinda love that=) and my very favorite part of this is how you say "bu-lay-bay" for nueve. what a smart girl=)

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Mother's Day

2011-05-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

hi love=)

you and me and daddy and aunt nikki had a great mother's day weekend!!! saturday i kept saying how it really was my perfect kind of saturday. some hanging out at home and cooking while you napped, then we went to this waterfall park in greenville and a huge playground at the greenville zoo. and sunday was lots of fun too. lunch at moe's with lance and rachel, as usual, and a walk around the lake and more playground fun. i got to hang out with my girl and celebrate being your mama=) here are some pictures!

love you angel-

mommy

the falls at reedy park was having some kind of duck race. we got there after the race was over, but you were pretty excited about this huge blow-up ducky=)

i love this picture of these two girls=)

i love the intense look of concentration on your face=)

you made a new friend=)

this begins the series of attempts to take a family picture on mother's day. this one makes me laugh because we couldn't keep our eyes open because of the sun...

i love your sweet smile in this one=)

daddy made me promise not to write a sarcastic caption for this picture, so here it is...all i can say without breaking my promise is that daddy was getting bored.

this is what you wanted to wear to go to church. it was 80 degrees. and those are your doctor kit glasses. i liked the outfit, but we managed to get the glasses and fleece jacket off of you before we left=)

sister-in-law therapy

2011-05-10T07:53:00.001-07:00

hi sweet love=)

this letter is kind of heavy. just figured i'd give you a heads up.

today marks one month till your surgery. the surgery that i've had almost 6 months to fester about and become totally terrified of and have to convince myself every day that you're not going to die.

a couple weeks ago dr gully was asking me some questions about the surgery and i guess she sensed the hysteria that was filling my mama heart, because a few hours later i walked in to my office and saw a prescription for lexapro sitting inconspicuously on my desk=) or maybe she left it there because i asked her how quick it would start working and was it worth starting then knowing surgery was only about 6 weeks away...either way, it was much appreciated=)

however, i'm not taking it. i obviously believe medicine absolutely has its place, but i sensed God trying to teach me something bigger about trusting Him. without lexapro, in this case. (i cannot emphasize enough how i am actually a huge supporter of anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medicine!!! it is a literal life-saver in so many cases!!! i feel a great need to get that point across...)

but nikki moved in and i love and respect and value her more than i can possibly describe, and a conversation we had last week was worth more than any medicine or any therapy session i could ever have...

it was one of my worst days in terms of worrying about the surgery. i was explaining to her how i really am just afraid that you won't live. i also explained how yes, it's a big complex surgery, but really i have no reason to think that you would die. she asked if there's any reason to be extra-concerned with this surgery as compared with the others, and there's not. your surgeon has said that it's definitely a big surgery, but he's given no indication that we should be more concerned this time. and then nikki gently reminded me (she knows me well and she knew i could handle a comment like this) that there's just as much of a chance of you dying in a car accident today as there would be as a result of the surgery next month. that sounds harsh i guess (and she kinda hesitated and said "i hope this doesn't make your anxiety worse" before she said it) but it absolutely made me feel better. it made me feel like the surgery is just another day. which of course, it's not. and i don't know if i can explain it quite right, but it really did make me feel so much better. like there's no point in me getting all hyped up about this one particular thing. there are all kinds of uncontrollable factors that we face every day. the ultimate truth is that God loves us and that we are on this earth for Him. He knows everything that will take place. He is for our good, through His glory, and He is trustworthy. every day. whether that day be filled with a walk to the park or a scary invasive surgery...

so part of my preparation for surgery and dealing with my fear of you dying is to remind myself that heaven is the best. and Jesus is taking good care of you. i don't honestly think you'll die. but i'm so afraid of it. it seemed like from the time we found out you were sick when i was 17 weeks pregnant, until we finally believed that you were gonna be ok however many months after you were born, all i did was remind myself that God loves you more than i ever could and that He will take the best care of you and that you would never be happier than you would be in heaven...

i never really thought "what did i do to deserve" what was happening when we found out you were sick. i knew in my heart like i know He is real that God was doing something big. much bigger than I could ever dream up myself. that didn't necessarily mean i knew that you would live, because i didn't know that. but i knew that He chose you and He chose us to bring Himself glory. it made me feel overwhelmingly humbled. so once it looked like you were going to be ok, that's when i started thinking "what did i do to deserve" to keep you. like you were the greatest gift and who am i to get to be your mother and to have you to share life with here on earth? but the blood of Jesus stood for us and therefore God sometimes gives us good things. i am rambling a little. and i can't keep up with what my mind is trying to say. but basically i am so thankful and i want to learn what God is trying to teach me and i want you to feel so loved and cherished and safe and i want to trust Him. and rest in the fact that He is good. our little journey with you has been beyond difficult, and it has taught me more than i ever imagined i could learn in 3 years, and i wouldn't trade it for the entire world. and again, if God does have in His plan to bring you to heaven sooner rather than later, my heart will be broken in ways i can't imagine ever healing. but i know He can do that too. but i sure do pray that my mind is going WAY overboard trying to prepare for the absolute worst and we have lots and lots and lots of years ahead of us and when i'm old in my bed and not doing so hot myself, you will be there to take care of me. and i am very aware that i was and am able to think this way and resist stamping my feet and screaming at heaven only by God's miraculous workings in my heart and in my head. the human in me wanted to kick and scream when i was pregnant with a sick sick baby. and i still do, sometimes. like last night, for instance, when i got an hour and a half of sleep because you couldn't stop coughing. but i've always felt Him holding me and you and daddy very close, and that's all i wanted really. it's all i want now.

"...from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. to Him be the glory forever..."

~Romans 11:36

i think i keep waiting for things to settle with you and for life to get easier and a little more relaxed. to where i'm not worried about the next thing with you. we had that for a bit, and then your diaphragm re-herniated in december. and i think God is trying to teach me that it's ok if that never happens. i don't think that's life, much less the life of a follower of Jesus. again, i just need to trust Him.

i know that all of this dying talk sounds CRAZY and it makes me want to vomit just typing it and i was on the verge of tears the whole time i was talking to aunt nikki about it, but it feels healthy to say it out loud. like it's all pent up inside of me and i might explode if it keeps festering with no outlet. so thanks nikki=) i love you so much. you are one of my greatest heroes=)

sweet baby. i'm not sure how many times i'll read this over again. i definitely won't read it on my bad days. the talk of you and dying in the same sentence makes me feel like my world is falling apart, but i wanted to tell you these things. partly so you'll know me. and partly so you might know God a little better.

i love you. you fill me with the greatest joy.

mommy

JLF

2011-05-02T11:19:00.001-07:00

hi love=)

last saturday was the jennifer lauren farrell memorial golf tournament. the 8th annual one we've had. and it was kind of a perfect day.

beautiful weather, sweet friends and family, and a great chance to remember our friend who went to live with Jesus almost 10 years ago.

it's still so surreal to think about the fact that she's not here. i know where she is and i love her too much to wish that she could come back, but i sure do miss her. i can't believe she doesn't know you, my sweet girl, and i can't believe she wasn't there when i married your daddy. and it made no sense that she wasn't there last year when her brother married precious little emily who jennifer would just have adored. but again, we know where she is. singing and dancing with that great big contagious smile. before Jesus. now that she's there, i am confident there's no other place she'd rather be.

so here are some pictures from last saturday. you had so much fun and we can't wait to do it again next year...

you and sweet warner baby. warner's mama is kristy. kristy, jennifer and i lived on the same floor of the dorms our freshman year at clemson. we were bff.

and in other SUPER exciting news, look who moved in with us this weekend!!!!!!!!!

AUNT NIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we're so excited!!!! sweet aunt nikki (or aunt b. we're trying to make "aunt b" stick so she can draw little bees on her cards to you and hazel and the other little munchkins who get to call her their aunt...) moved in last weekend and is going to live with us until the middle of july. then she'll move off to birmingham and improve the lives of little kiddos by being their teacher. lucky little kids. needless to say, you two are having a LOT of fun together. and i am loving having my sweet sister friend with us all the time. and your daddy loves being able to share daily life with his sister for the first time in about 6 years. all good things=)

love you angel. you are home with your aunt having tons of fun and that makes my heart rest easy=)

mommy

ATL

2011-04-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

catherine guess what.

we found out friday where we're moving. i keep thinking there's some fun way to share this news, but i'm feeling even less creative and less articulate than usual this morning. so here you go:

we're moving to atlanta!

i have a LOT of different thoughts and feelings and emotions about this, but i mostly think it's hilarious. here's why...

georgia was home for the first 24 years of my life. born and raised there, except for the 10 months spent in california when i was 5 years old. same thing for donnie, almost. he moved to georgia when he was 7 and stayed until he went away to college. after he graduated he came back to love on his sick mama. then he married me. and we had only been married for 5 months when we moved to virginia. we lived there for 4 years, then moved to clemson. we will have been here for 13 months when we pack up and move again.

moving away was not easy but i desperately needed it. it was the best thing we could do to help establish our little family and decide what we want that to look like and how we are going to make decisions. i would encourage everyone, if they have the chance, to move away at least for a little while. my mama, along with mama's everywhere, probably want to give me a good elbow to the gut for that comment.

i guess all i should really say is that it was the right choice for us. and it was hard. especially that first year in richmond. i watched a LOT of friends on dvd. enough to give robyn a run for her money on the friends trivial pursuit game. (not really. i could never beat her. never ever.)

so now the funny part (it's really not that funny. just to me i guess, in that ironic "are you kidding me?" kind of way). for the past 6 years, i've been getting on board with and adjusting to living in states where our families aren't. learning (slightly) new cultures and how to thrive in a city where you haven't known anybody for much longer than 5 minutes and don't have a built-in babysitter that shares your DNA. i think we are proud of ourselves. well, maybe i shouldn't speak for your daddy. i'm proud of us. and donnie's proud of me. he was kinda used to being more independent and living somewhere very different from what he's used to and getting made fun of for his accent ;) new haven, connecticut had little in common with kennesaw, georgia...

so it's just FLIPPING HILARIOUS to me that after all of that, and after all the intentional excitement over what we thought might be a move to colorado or maybe even new mexico (or maybe even alaska?!?! thank you Jesus for sparing us that...), we're heading right back to atlanta, georgia.

when your daddy first told me that georgia state had called him for an interview i was completely silent for a minute. then i started laughing. then my mind started going CRAZY trying to adjust to the thought of moving back home.

and now i'm there. i'm adjusted to the idea. and excited about it. excited to know my nieces and nephews better and to live daily life with our brothers and sisters who we love so much. to let the people that we love pat my pregnant belly (whenever that happens again; no that time isn't now) and to pat the pregnant bellies of the sweet girls that mean so much to me.

and it's important to note that this move is expected to be permanent. the job at georgia state is practically perfect for your sweet daddy. it is no doubt a gift that God is giving us, that the first job daddy gets out of grad school is one that he could see himself in forever. we are so thankful...we feel that, through all the ups and downs of the last 6 years, God has put us exactly where He has wanted us. He's always taken care of us and we never doubted that He would continue to do just that. and although it's surprising, we believe that He knew this was coming and He planned for atlanta to be our next home, again. i like the way He is surprising and mysterious. i would find it very hard to trust a God that i could figure out. and predict His next move. i just pray that He would continue to teach us to hear His voice and give us the courage to follow where He leads.

we do love you Lord. we feel You in this move and are so excited to see what You have in store. thank You for your good gifts.

i love you sweet catherine. i'm so thankful you're along for the ride in this journey of ours. you are SUPER excited that we are moving to "jor-ja" because that is where gigi and grandaddy and grandypa live. that's all a little girl needs, right? grandparents to spoil her rotten??? ;)

mommy

ps-here are some pictures, because what good is a post without pictures??

here you are in the back seat of the car. next to your car seat. and you thought it was the coolest because you could pretend to be wearing the big seat belts and roll the window up and down. (i'd like to assure you that the car was in park in a legitimate parking spot. and it remained in park until i convinced you to get into your car seat and buckle up...)

i'm not completely sure what to say about this next video, but it makes my heart want to burst with happiness and love for this giggly little angel...

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and here's a video of you and daddy looking for your easter basket last sunday...

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and here's a video of you singing "head and shoulders knees and toes" in our hotel in atlanta (we got to keep daddy company when he went to atlanta for his georgia state interview...)

i love you sweet baby. off we go to atlanta...

wordless wednesday

2011-04-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

i've never written a "wordless wednesday" letter to you. i guess it's where people post a picture or two but don't say anything about it. and when i took this picture of you napping today, it felt right for it to be a "wordless wednesday" picture.

well nevermind. this wednesday has words.

pictures of our girl

2011-04-19T09:29:00.001-07:00

hi babe=)

here are some pictures from lately...

daddy plays on our church's softball team and let's be honest...he's awesome. he's played in 2 games and is 6 for 6 with 3 homeruns. i know it's shallow and superficial (and keeping with my shameful trend from high school) but he gets about 20 times more attractive to me every time we go to one of his games=) but my REAL point in sharing this photo was to see how precious you are with him. you yell "daddy! daddy!" the whole time and you run into the dugout to be with him every time i look away for 4 seconds. you want to be right there with him eating sunflower seeds and peanuts, and in this pictures you're holding on so tight to his leg. i think you're proud of him too;)

doesn't this look like i did it on purpose? like i have you looking still and i have daddy looking like a blurry image in the background by using some photoshop skills that i have? but i have no skills. this just happened. because you're standing there like a sweet girl smiling and daddy's dancing like a monkey behind you.

this is daddy's "i'm posing with my little girl" face. this makes him more attractive too;)

this is you and uncle nathan a couple weeks ago using your noses to make silly faces=)

Lord have mercy. i want to just eat you up. my sweet sweet angel.

i can't resisit ponytail pictures. yours is just about the cutest thing i've ever seen.

in other news, i'm feeling on the verge of crazy because i'm getting more and more nervous about your surgery every day. i've had a lot of things distracting me lately, and i'm very thankful for that, but yesterday dr gully asked me a few questions about the surgery coming up and it almost sent me into full freak-out mode. i'm just so scared. i pray that Jesus will keep you safe and the surgery will be a success and you will do great during the surgery and you will recover well and recover quickly with no complications. and then you can get on with your life and mommy can quit clinging to you at night before i lay you down to sleep. i'm stopping now because i'm afraid that talking about it will make me worse. Jesus knows my heart and He loves you more than I ever can. i'll try to focus on that instead.

in other, more fun, news, you wore panties to school today for the first time=) i think i've mentioned this before, but i am a super slow potty trainer. you're not necessarily super slow, but your mama is. but i think you've got it. so off you went today with your blue panties looking like a big girl and cute as can be. one of my favorite things you do is say "it's boverin' me!" when you have a wedgie. i tried to explain wedgies to you this morning but i was trying not to laugh the whole time so i'm not sure what i actually said. you little sweet thing. congratulations on the panties, though=)

i love you sweet baby. i wish there were words to express how much.

mommy

surgery news

2011-04-12T06:19:00.001-07:00

hey sweet love=) we went to charleston last week for an upper gi and to see dr hebra and schedule surgery. i've been meaning to tell you about this since then, but i wanted to throw some pictures in here too and i keep forgetting to bring my camera to work. work is where all my internet time takes place...and i still didn't remember my camera but i decided enough was enough and to just tell you about the appointment already. sorry for that unnecessary introduction... the upper gi went relatively well: of course you hated it-screaming the whole time and clinging to me and terrified. i was worried you wouldn't drink the contrast that was completely necessary (the point of the test was for them to see what happens between your esophagus and your stomach-and they would only be able to see that if you drank a drink with barium contrast in it...) so we bought you a new cup for this very occasion and talked about it all morning...and i was standing at your head and holding your hands and your sweet little teary eyes were staring at me and i would say "take another drink and we'll be almost done" and every time i asked, you did it and they saw what they needed to see within about 5-10 minutes and it seemed easy as pie. well, maybe i wouldn't go that far. but you did SO GREAT and you were so brave and i was so proud of you and basically, it went much better than i expected. you even kept drinking the contrast after they were done. maybe that was because they flavored it like kool-aid and i don't think you had ever had kool-aid in all of your 2 1/2 years. and then of course gigi had a surprise for you for being such a big girl. so the best part of the upper gi was that it is NOT a hiatal hernia. which is great news (this means that there IS some sort of diaphragm between your esophagus and your stomach that's up in your chest). if there hadn't been any diaphragm there they would've had to un-do the nissen (the top of your stomach wrapped around the bottom of your esophagus to keep you from throwing up all the time-that surgery was done when you were about 7 months old) and they maybe would've had to un-do your g-tube and then re-do all those things. it would've been a MUCH more complicated surgery, and while it'll still be complicated, it won't be quite as bad as we thought. did that even make sense? it felt very confusing to type. onward. stomach and spleen and colon is still in your chest, and there is still some sort of "membrane" encapsulating those things so they're not flowing willy-nilly around your lungs, and that's a good thing. it may be some sort of mysterious membrane, or it may just be a very thin and weak diaphragm (as a result of the last surgery) that's holding the stuff down, but either way it needs to be fixed. so we scheduled your 11th surgery for june 10th. i'm trying not to think about it too much because you're doing SO WELL right now and it breaks my little mama heart to imagine you going through surgery and a week-long hospital recovery but i'm trying to remember to just pray for safety and success when i get anxious. it really does help. thank you Jesus=) in other news, we're moving in august. we have some hunches but we should know definitely where we're going in the next couple of weeks. more to come... i have failed at making a list of the cute things you're doing so i would have it right in front of me when i go to tell you about them. the main thing i remember right now is how you say things like "him is eating him's chicken nuggets" and i love your mis-use of pronouns. i know you'll fix that one day but i'm loving it right now. daddy and i have started talking like that too sometimes. i'm sure that's not annoying at all to any of our grown-up friends=) sweet baby. i love you so much. i'm in an "all-business" mood right now so i can't think of other stuff i need to say. but it will come. and so will pictures=) mommy

an update in pictures...

2011-03-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

hi love=) i have several batches of pictures from the past month or two that i need to show you. so here we go... remember when we went to charleston in february for your ct scan how you got a fever in the hotel the night before your appointment?? well here you are at 2:30 in the morning when i got back from searching for a 24-hour drug store that had children's motrin and a thermometer...just hanging out like nothing's going on and it's normal to be awake at 2:30am with a fever.

one of your favorite things to do since it's gotten warmer is blow bubbles on the porch...

these are from the first clemson baseball game we went to. the first one is when you spotted the tiger mascot across the bleachers and you were trying to decide if you were scared of him or not...then you got over it and had a blast! i love your sassy ponytail and i love that you're staying hydrated in the heat=) the last one is of you lounging at our post-game tailgate with lance and rachel.

the next two pictures have no connecting theme except that daddy is in both of them. the first one is of you two giving each other "monkey kisses" (you two pretend like you're kissing each other like different animals and you think it's hilarious) and the other is of daddy and me on our anniversary.

here you are wearing mommy's glasses. letting you do that is probably not the best decision i've ever made as a mama, but look how cute you are!!!!!

one of our favorite places to go is clemson's botanical gardens. we have actually never been when it was warm and flowers are blooming, but we like to walk around and see the ducks and play on the train...

and this is just a random happy moment caught on the couch=)

i have no idea what you're pointing or laughing at, but i think this is pretty funny.

don't be fooled. you were VERY happy on the couch with violet and your cheez-its.

our friend stacey came to see us this week! he was daddy's roommate all 4 years of college and we kind of planned the date of our wedding around when he could be there. i tell you this just to give a hint of how much we love him=) he and his sweet wife ronna are expecting a baby girl this summer, and i asked if you would help teach him how to play with little girls. this is what you had in mind when it comes to teaching him what little girls like to do...

last night you were playing in your room by yourself, and after i realized you had been down there quiet for a while, i figured you were either pooping in your pants or getting into trouble. but shame on mommy. there were no messes on the carpet in your room or in your undies, and this is what we saw when you emerged...

i love you sweet baby. you fill our home with such fun memories=)

mommy

warm heart swirlings

2011-03-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

i know that's a ridiculous name for a letter. here's an example of what i think i'm trying to say...you know in beauty and the beast when the beast turns into a prince, how the air around him swirls and he's lifted up and then when it all calms down he's beautiful and belle's prince charming? that's kinda like what i feel happening inside me. deep down in my soul. not the prince charming part, but that He's swirling things in and around me in a way that only He can, and the end result will be so beautiful. God is stirring my heart. it seems like this happens more in the middle of transition. or more rather, when i'm anticipating transition. more on that later. but in the middle of this anticipation and excitement and wondering what God has for us, other small things have been happening that seem to be synergistic in the way they have affected me. i have read this book that completely transformed how i see the role i play in my little family of three. i have watched my sweet miracle girl grow and defy odds. watching you learn your world and tell me you love me, and that you like my hair, and that you want cars yogurt. and seeing the huge smile on your face when you're bringing me a flower you picked. and hearing you say "i like this song too mommy" when my favorite bob the tomato worship song comes on...i love watching your little heart and brain working. you're an amazing little thing and it blows my mind that God was merciful enough to let your daddy and me be your parents. lately, i seem to fall in love with your daddy a little more each morning when he comes out ready for work. i am NOT the kind of sap wife that says stuff like that on a regular basis to the mass public, not that there would be anything wrong with that, but it feels incredibly awkward to type it. telling him is one thing, but telling our cyber friends who most certainly don't care is something else. he's super cute lately i guess, and i love hearing him say "does anybody need another hug or kiss before i leave?" and then seeing you take off running as fast as your skinny little legs will carry you down the hall so he can scoop you up in his arms and love on you for another minute...and then when he puts you down you yell "one more hug again!"...i get to see this every morning and i can't believe my lucky stars... i was cooking the other day with music playing and you ran up to me in the kitchen and said "dance, mommy!" so you had your little arms wrapped around me and your sweet head on my shoulder and hillsong was singing the song "stronger" (have you heard that song? so good.) and i have this incredibly dramatic moment where my eyes are closed and tearing a little and i'm wanting to squeeze you so hard but trying not to hurt you and i feel so incredibly thankful. blissfully happy. and it occurred to me all over again that God was stirring my little heart. teaching me things that will change the way i live life. i am so thankful to have a God who loves us enough to bother with us. to stir our hearts and teach us things that will make our lives more rich. i pray that our little family learns more every day to listen to His sweet voice. yesterday i went to see your uncle nathan. i am blown away watching the unbelievable things God is doing in his life. kinda like you, sweet girl, his story is as close to a tangible miracle as i have ever seen. i'm fighting back tears just thinking about it. nathan's story is his to tell, so i will skip the details...but God is teaching me so much through him. if you're able to hear his story, you will hear God whispering of faith and trust and hope and patience...when i listen to nathan talk it's like a new wave of these things washes over me. a spiritually refreshing experience, to say the least. i'm humbled by the way God is gently shaping my own heart and teaching me about perseverance, and again, hope, by allowing me to walk through this journey with him. i feel outrageously lucky to be his sister, and i feel far from worthy to be experiencing any of this joy. i am so proud of him i could just burst. i know not all of life is like this. i have sadness in my past, and i know i have some waiting for me in the future. sure my friend has been in heaven for almost 10 years. and you'll never know your paternal grandma here on earth. and papa has cancer. and most of the world doesn't know the joy of Jesus. but right now, in my little world, things seem pretty close to perfect and it's hard to believe. i will soak it up while it hangs around. so thank you Lord. you never cease to amaze us.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

i love you sweet catherine. i am overjoyed.

"...the Lord has done great things for us..."

mommy

you're trying to make a sad face but really you can barely keep from laughing=)

wearing your dr seuss hat you made at school=)

highlands, north carolina

2011-03-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

as a part of our anniversary extravaganza weekend, our little family of 3 went hiking in highlands, north carolina last saturday. it was a beautiful day and a sweet sweet time together. we had you ride on daddy's shoulders most of the way up and down the mountain due to rocky terrain and mud puddles here and there, but you would ask every 30 seconds to get down and walk. what a happy camper you were when we finally let you down! you were quite a trooper-scooting your little bottom up the trails and slowly and cautiously checking out the big rocks at the top of the mountain. it was a beautiful view once we got up there! here are some pictures=)

daddy and his little girl

2011-03-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

here's a video of you and daddy having tons-o-fun. there are a few things i'd like to point out first, a bit of a disclaimer if you will:

a) i'm not proud of the song that's playing in the background.
b) please ignore the chairs on top of our table-we were taking a break from vacuuming...
c) does daddy's camo john deer hat make him look super classy or what??? (it was another win from the baseball game. we spent no money on that hat. i'm suddenly really worried that i've just offended some people...)
d) i heard a story about how a dad posted a video of him swinging his baby around by her ankles on you tube, and the police saw it and came to his house to arrest him. i sure hope that doesn't happen here...

but you two do know how to have fun, right?

love you sweet babe=)

mommy

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tigers baseball=)

2011-03-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

a couple weeks ago we went to a clemson baseball game. staff members and all of their family get in for free, so we have great plans to see lots of games this spring!!! not to mention my odd obsession with the sport since i was about 14 years old...somehow it has stuck with me. the sound of the "crack of the bat" and the sunshine warming your skin and the smaller more intimate atmosphere (in contrast to the overwhelming crowds of clemson football games) are VERY appealing to me...and so far you like it there too! yesterday daddy called from work to see if we wanted to meet him at the baseball game - you heard me talking to him and you started yelling "me go to baseball game! me go to baseball game! eat candy with rachel!" so we went, of course. (we usually go to the games with lance and rachel, and rachel always shares her candy with you...) daddy snagged you an orange 7th inning stretch t-shirt that you sported around like a dress and got lots of smiles and points as you walked around the stands. (daddy winning that shirt might or might not have involved him kicking it away from an old man so he could bend down with you on his shoulders and grab it. he's not necessarily proud of that move. the things daddies will do for their little girls...) you like how music comes on a lot during the game and you get a little confused when people suddenly start yelling all at the same time, but you're getting used to it=)

you LOVE dancing to the music. here's a video of you doing just that.

you may not look a thing like me, but at least we both like baseball=)

mommy

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5th anniversary=)

2011-02-25T06:49:00.000-08:00

hi sweet baby=)

happy anniversary to my sweet husband. today daddy and i have been married for 5 years! it's been quite eventful, wouldn't you say? get married, move to virginia, donnie starts grad school, katie starts grad school, have a sweet precious girl, fight with her for her life, katie finishes grad school, move to south carolina...it has been busy, huh? it has also been "rich" and full of love and grace from our sweet God who wants all the best for us. His handprint is all over our little story. i can't wait to see what He has for our future, sweet little one. lately you've been looking at the wedding picture on our wall and telling us that that's when mommy and daddy got married. one of the anniversary traditions i have been unsuccessful at implementing the last few years (but have great plans to "start" this year) is watching our rehearsal dinner and wedding video on our annivesary. i think you're gonna love it. you like to tell us who's in every picture in our house and what they're doing in it, and you LOVE movies, so i think this will be the best of both worlds for you=)

and speaking of marriage, i read the book "love and war" by john and stasi eldredge a few weeks ago. i've been trying so hard to figure out how i want to describe what it has done for my life and our marriage but i still have no answer.

it has been nothing short of miraculous.

i realize that's a pretty dramatic way of describing it, and i generally shy away from being unnecessarily dramatic, but in this case i think it's sort of necessary, and completely appropriate. it really has transformed the way i see your daddy, and myself, and basically the point of our life here together. it has changed my perspective on marriage in general, and i am desperately praying that i'll never be the same after reading it. and to try and preserve some sense of privacy (not an easy thing for me...i tend to be an utterly open book) i will wrap that up here. we can talk about it more later, sweet catherine.

but i can't help but put a plug in...if you've never read this book, are married, or might ever get married, read it!!! i really do think it should be a mandatory part of pre-marital counseling. you think anybody will listen to me??? ;)

catherine my love: read the book=)

here are some fun wedding pictures for your visual enjoyment...you were just a dream then but we somehow managed to still have an absolute blast. daddy and i are still surprised at how much fun we had that day, and how our parents helped us to have the most perfect wedding we could imagine. thanks again grandaddy, gigi, grandypa, and susie=)

love you babe. both my babes=)

mommy

i like feet. what can i say?

the strapping davis men.

daddy loves his little sister so much=) i think that made me think he was extra cool when we were just friends. (ooh! aunt nikki came to visit us this week! we had so much fun having girl time wednesday-taking walks, playing on the playground, eating ice cream and watching friends while you were taking a nap...we wish we got to see more of aunt nikki)

i'm not sure why i feel compelled to share this picture. mostly because we miss these boys. they are silly and were most cooperative when our photographer asked them to "hold hands and skip toward me!" ???????

when i'm at weddings, i always turn and look at the groom when the bride walks in. so i thought it was only appropriate to share this picture=)

wowsa. i love it.

daddy wanted us to dance back down the aisle after the ceremony. so we did, and here we are.

best wedding music ever. i have great taste in extremely talented musicians and singers=)

this is the picture on our wall that you always talk about=)

gorgeous. even better than i expected.

my two best friends. classy, as usual=)

nevermind the sweat on my forehead. it means i was a dancing machine, which is all i really asked of my reception=)

65 years...

2011-02-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

a few weeks ago, we drove to forsyth, georgia for grandaddy's parents' 65th wedding anniversary party. you call these people papa and grandmama. some of the most precious people i have ever known. we are so lucky to call them our grandparents, aren't we?

65 years is a big deal. there's no denying that. so i was definitely excited to go celebrate with them. but something about being there with our whole family celebrating the ones who came together to make it (us) all happen was so beautiful. they have four sons and all of them are married with 2 or 3 kids each and most of those kids have babies of their own...it was a big crowd. i love those people so much. it is good for my soul to be with them. i have always thought so much of these two great grandparents of yours, but it was almost like i saw them in a new light that night. i'm sure part of it is because i got to hear papa tell their love story. he's a preacher, and when he's not learning about Jesus and preparing to teach his churches about Him, he's telling jokes or being silly and he's basically just the sweetest rascal i've ever met. (one of my favorite memories of him is when i was on the back porch of their old house with my brothers and the boys were talking about how much they loved the ice cream we were eating. we were about to leave to drive 2 1/2 hours to go home, and papa recommended we just put some ice cream in our pockets to have later...i realize this might possibly not be the funniest joke you've ever heard, but that's when i realized he was flipping hilarious. and it has stuck with me ever since...) so to see him in this shamelessly romantic light telling the love of his life how precious she is to him...it was one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. and there's no denying how much grandmama adores him back. i can't think of a single thing she wouldn't do for him. she really does adore him. i can't think of a better word.

papa has cancer. we found that out last summer. it makes us so sad that he is sick, but he's making the best of every day and taking all of the ups and downs in stride. and loving his sweet lady and appreciating anew every way she's taking care of him.

i don't know what life has in store, but i hope you're able to remember grandmama and papa when you get older. here are some pictures and a sweet video from their anniversary party.

to grandmama and papa...

mommy

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their silly family. minus just a few...

papa and grandmama with their 3 boys.

weren't they foxy??

alphabet song and surgery update

2011-02-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

you are an alphabet-song-singing-machine! look at you go=) i'm not sure what you have against the letters L and M, but i like it.

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also, did you hear how you say "ju" for the letter "u"? you're latina like that. the other day we were laying down for a nap and you were stalling big time. you said "mama lay down right here a little bit" patting the bed next to you, so of course i did. and then you gazed into my eyes with this sweet goofy grin for a second and then started saying "i like ju hair" and patted my hair, and "i like ju eyes" and touched my eyes, and "i like ju chin" and cheeks, and ears, and nose, etc, etc. all the while smiling at me and knowing that you won. i didn't even care...i was soaking up the compliments from my favorite critic=)

so we went to musc for your ct scan and to talk to the surgeon again. it starts with bad news but ends with good news. you have more in your chest than before (stomach, spleen, some colon) but it's basically encapsulated in some sort of membrane that they can't really explain. so yes, it's in your chest, but it's not free flowing willy nilly up there bothering your lungs too much, so it's not so bad. and it means they're still not rushed to do surgery. they couldn't see the hiatus area of your diaphragm (where the diaphragm comes up to the esophagus) so they couldn't tell if it was just a monstrous diaphragmatic defect or if you have any diaphragm on the edge by your esophagus or not (which would make it a hiatal hernia too). sorry if that makes no sense-i'll draw you a picture one day. but basically, even after the massive amount of radiation involved in a ct scan, we are doing an upper gi in april to see for sure if there is any diaphragm next to your esophagus. i do completely trust this surgeon. i'm glad he wants to be so thorough so he'll know exactly what to expect when he gets in there. he still thinks he'll go in through your chest between two ribs when he does your surgery (which, by the way, he plans on doing early summer...may or june). he was REALLY happy that you had gained such good weight (over 2 pounds since we saw him in december) and that you generally had been in such good health against some major odds. we've all had some sort of cold since early january-i had the flu last week but we put you on tamiflu as soon as i tested positive, then i got a sinus infection a few days later but you were still doing pretty well-just a runny nose and coughing...so with a couple rounds of antibiotics and some tamiflu, you've held your own. and on the ct scan your lungs looked great even though there were some things in their way, so that was more good news.

here was a fun twist in our trip to charleston...tuesday night we were in a hotel and we realized around midnight that you had a fever. of course i didn't bring a thermometer or any anti-pyretic medicine so there i go galavanting around downtown charleston in the middle of the night looking for a 24 hour drug store. found one, got back to you, and your temperature is 102.3. we gave you some advil and throughout the day it would come down a little and go back up, to the point that when we left to come home it was 104.6!! you slept on the way home and the medicine kicked in and you played with daddy and were a happy sweet girl before we went to bed wednesday night. and when i woke up thursday morning to go to work guess what your fever was.

105.8.

yes. 105.8.

i honestly have never even seen a fever that high, and i'm a pediatric nurse practitioner. anyhoo-you really were acting totally fine when your fever would come down, so we weren't too terribly worried. we started tossing in some tylenol between your advil doses, brought you to see dr gully that morning just in case, and we all agreed that it was some sort of virus that gives you outrageously high fevers but runs its course and leaves in a few days. so here we are on day 3. hope it leaves soon.

so there you have it. sweet little angel. we are praying for no complications between now and june and for sick season to get the heck out of here!

in other news, it's been 70 degrees for the past few days!!!! mommy has been deliriously happy. i feel like i'm manic or something. you and daddy rode your scooter around outside yesterday afternoon and we've kept our porch door open and it is so good for mommy's soul=) it's also good for my soul when you grin at me and rub my back and give me kisses.

i love you sweet baby-

mommy

itsy bitsy spider

2011-02-15T06:19:00.001-08:00

hey sweet babe=)

here's a video of you singing the itsy bitsy spider. except you say "ipsy-ider" and we can't get enough. i love how you can't quite get past the "down came the rain" line. you just keep singing that one over and over. my other favorite is how you are trying so hard to keep holding froggy while you do your hand motions=)

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ps-we're going to charleston today for your ct scan and appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. i want to have something else profound to say, but i'm not really sure how i feel or what to think...so i'll keep you posted.

yogurt and the fridge

2011-02-11T11:26:00.001-08:00

hi love=)

you like yogurt. especially when dora is on the box. and you are also a fan of exploring our refrigerator. here you will see how these two joys of yours come together to make one happy catherine.

cutie pie. i love you=)

mommy

hello kitty panties and other cuteness

2011-01-31T10:09:00.001-08:00

hi sweet angel=)

here are some examples of your extreme cuteness as of late...

your sweet popeye smile=)

here you are "curling your hair"...don't worry-it's not even plugged in so the fact that you're holding the metal end is not a problem.

i don't know. but you think he's pretty funny.

here you are in your big girl panties!!! they have hello kitty on them and you are VERY proud of yourself for wearing them. we could barely get you to eat dinner last night because you just kept leaning over trying to see your pretty new undies. you're pretty good at using the potty-you always go if we sit you on it and you tell us most of the time before you have to go. i am most definitely NOT an aggressive potty trainer-i can't find any good reason to push that earlier than when you are absolutely beyond ready-so we're just having you wear your big girl panties around the house when we're there...and after we've done that for a while successfully we'll venture outside the house in them=) so proud of you love. i can't believe you are so big.

and here is a video of my big girl showing how excited she is...

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cutie pie. your joy is contagious sweet girl=)

mommy

jello and jingle bells

2011-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

apparently i am on a video-sharing frenzy. you are cute enough to justify it.

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i love my little jello-loving singer.

ring around the rosies

2011-01-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

a week or two ago i heard you talking to yourself in the next room. i realized you were saying the same thing over and over again and when i paid more attention i saw that you were singing ring around the rosies to yourself. you were all by yourself in our den walking in circles and singing and then at the end you would fall down right on cue. here you are, very proud of yourself=)

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catherine's "L's"

2011-01-20T00:05:00.000-08:00

lately you've been kind of hilarious when you say anything with an L in it. you poke your whole tongue out and basically say "th" instead of "L". we love it. here's a video of you talking about your jello. you're also playing with the "talking tomcat" app on daddy's phone. it was the hit of christmas and you're still pretty excited about it.

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you love yogurt lately too. well, mostly because dora is on the package. and one of the flavors is strawberry vanilla....and vanilla is "valala" to you with your tongue poked out through practically the whole thing. i tried to get a video of that too, but you're catching on to my tricks.

our friend kemie=)

2011-01-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

hi babe=)

we have a friend in georgia named kemie. i grew up in church with her and her sweet family, and she has been one of your biggest cheerleaders for the past 3 years. she has been through her fair share of medical mess, and her heart reached out to ours when we started going through similar stuff. a few weeks ago we got a package in the mail after we came home from the hospital. kemie had sent you "agnes" and explained that she was filled with the love of Jesus. and that whenever you were scared you could squeeze her as hard as you could and she would never run out of the love of Jesus for you. we are so thankful for sweet kemie, and her story, and now agnes. this is you thanking her for her gift. (you're also filling your mouth with spaghetti=))

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catherine sees the ocean

2011-01-16T06:01:00.000-08:00

we went to charleston the day after you came home from the hospital. you had an appointment with the guy who dr rodgers recommended for us to get a second opinion. you had never seen the ocean, so we tried to find one happy thing from an otherwise crummy day, and walked along the beach for a minute. you were fairly unimpressed, which i 100% attribute to the fact that you had surgery 5 days prior and were feeling generally awful. it was still nice to be on the beach with you=) i am confident you'll love it and play around splashing and chasing seagulls and getting good and sandy next time we go. here you are...first time on the beach:

you were pretty focused on the sand you'd just gotten on your fingers.

i think we're too far away to really tell, but you were pouting with your bottom lip poked out and everything. i am trying not to laugh.

love you sweet girl. i don't care what these pictures show, i still think you're a beach babe in the making.

mommy

hospital pictures

2011-01-15T15:32:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

here are some pictures from the hospital last month. you can see that before surgery you didn't feel great but were doing ok. then after surgery you can see pretty clearly your progression of feeling like poo to feeling smiley and pretty happy again. i wish this didn't happen, but it did. so here are some pictures so we can talk about it later=) i'm leaving out some of the ones where you look so pitiful because it breaks my heart and i'm scared of looking at them right now.

love you sweet angel. i'm so glad you're feeling better.

on our way to the hospital. you're quite the trooper.

watching tv with daddy in your hospital bed.

playing tic-tac-toe.

back from surgery. you were such a sweet angel=)

here's the video from when you got back from surgery. i think i already showed it to you, but here it is again. it makes the organizational part of my brain very happy to put the hospital video with the hospital pictures=)

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surrounded by your animals=)

on post-op day #2 we had to make you walk up and down the hallways to get all the junk out of your chest and get your bowels moving.

you hated it! but it worked.

you realized walking wasn't so bad once we got to the playroom!

playing piano with mommy

this picture is just to highlight the hair-do=)

dr gully gave you a new doctor kit. this is you listening to daddy's heart=)

these glasses are by far my favorite part of the doctor kit=)

what a cutie.

i couldn't get enough of you in the glasses.

you finally got to eat real food!!!

sweet max came to see you=)

i love how you always cross your legs=)

home from the hospital. playing on your new elmo airplane that gigi gave you. you got LOTS of surprises in the hospital to the point that christmas seemed to come early for you. but then you got christmas all over again on actual christmas. i think you deserve it.

trying to give me a thumbs up. with spaghetti all over your mouth=)

i love you my sweet brave girl.

mommy

snow day=)

2011-01-11T10:03:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

this has been a very snowy week. mommy and daddy got to stay home from work monday and the 3 of us played with max and his parents hayley and arnold all day! it was lots of fun! we went sledding and threw snowballs and you and max crawled around in the snow. when you went sledding down the hill on my lap i think you ate some snow so after that you kept saying your mouth hurt and asking me to fix it...so we went inside and you and max took a warm bath. then we ate chili and fruit and ice cream (yes. ice cream. even on snow days it's my favorite.) and watched movies and played all day. it was a happy day for all of us. so what if we all started feeling a little sick last night? it was worth it. i think. look at all the fun we had=)

this is funny. to me, at least. look at this picture from last year in the snow...

and now look at this picture from yesterday in the snow...

apparently you like to take off your glove in the snow and stare at your cold hand=)

here are some more.

ready for the cold weather!!

helping mommy make chili=) i love this picture so much i just can't even stand it.

the snow is here!

not the worst view in the world. definitely not the best, either.

i loved watching all the families come out and make snow angels and snowmen.

it was like our little complex came bustling to life once the snow arrived. we saw people we didn't know were our neighbors=) later that night we watched a bunch of grown men, or at least college students, having a serious snowball fight.

arnold, hayley, max, catherine, and mommy=)

i love this. what a beautiful boy=)

you two. being cute.

snow covered booties.

giving hayley this glove that you clearly didn't need.

we went into lowe's on our way to go sledding to warm up. this is you deciding if you want to go back outside again=)

ready to sled down the hill!

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arnold was REALLY excited about taking max sledding. unfortunately, max was totally fed up with the cold at this point and cried from here until we got him in the bath tub.

don't be deceived. in about 5 seconds max started flapping his arms around giggling at everything. he was a much happier camper in the warm water.

we looked over and you had gotten yourself into my boots. it was hilarious-looking, but these pictures don't do it justice.

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you are so fun sweet angel. i love you.

mommy

christmas pictures and videos, etc.

2011-01-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

welcome to 2011. you will be 3 this year. what a fun little girl you're growing up to be=)

i have lots of pictures to show you from christmas time. and lots of videos. and other random things to say.

like daddy and i took you to see your first movie in the movie theater last weekend! we saw tangled and it was super cute. i was probably the most interested in the actual movie out of all 3 of us, which is fine with me and not a surprise at all. you flipping love popcorn. which is how we got you to sit still for the first hour. you ate half of a medium popcorn all by yourself. and then you got full and wanted to explore a little. so you did, just a little, and we made it through the whole movie and you were DEFINITELY not the loudest one in the theater. which is all i wanted really=) and then we gave you a good scrubbing in the bathtub once we got home because movie theaters are kind of disgusting. all around, a successful first trip to the movie theater. kudos to your daddy for being persistent in his request for that little outing. oh! and this was my favorite part. we were driving home after the movie and you're sitting in the back seat yelling "tangled! tangled! tangled! i like that!". daddy and i kept yelling it too for the rest of the weekend.

for a while now you have been telling us you love us if we give you great big prompts that that's what you're supposed to say=) but lately you've been randomly saying "i love mommy. i love daddy. catherine loves mommy. catherine loves daddy" while you're sitting somewhere by yourself playing. kind of talking to yourself. i love it=) makes my heart swell 3 sizes. just like the grinch.

you've always called yourself "cat-n"and lately you've been saying "cafren" which makes you such a big girl. t-h is hard really. so i'm in no hurry for you to get it exactly right. we'll ask you what your whole name is and you say "cat-n ree davis". and if we ask you what jackson calls you you'll say "bobby jo davis". because that's what jackson calls you. we have no idea why. he made it up one day and you both think it's hilarious. it's like your alter ego bobby jo davis comes out when you get around your big boy cousin=)

speaking of "t-h" being hard to say...one of our favorite words you say lately is "those". you basically say "wose" and on the s you accidentally smile by showing all your bottom teeth. i have a ridiculous video of me trying REALLY hard to get you to say it, but it's hardly worth sharing because: a) it's in the dark, and b) you aren't getting my hints until the very end when daddy calls me out and i just tell you to say it. so nobody will think it's funny except me and daddy. but i know i'm gonna share it anyway. so here it is:

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here are some videos from christmas time. the first one is from when gigi brought you an elmo ornament. another one of our favorite words for you to say lately is ornament. you basically say "oh-muh-nent" and we think you're the cutest thing. nothing new there. but here's the video:

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you also got pretty interested in these little snowmen i had in our kitchen. it's a group of 3 that get progressively smaller, and you decided that they were daddy snowman, mommy snowman, and cafren snowman. here you are telling me about them:

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people are asking how you're doing since surgery, and i've been saying better than ever. it's true. i wish we knew it could stay that way and there wasn't another surgery in your future. but we won't dwell on that. you really are so energetic and eating more than ever and you're really a happy smiley little thing. sometimes you'll tell me that your tummy hurts "up here" and point to your chest and that freaks me out a little. but it's not like i didn't already know that's where your stomach was, right? i just don't like being reminded. and i don't like you hurting. but daddy and i went to play tennis the other day and you came along to play with the pink tennis balls and drag around one of our old tennis rackets. you would cheer us on and yell at me to look at your pink tennis ball. and then you would yell "good job mom!" when daddy would tell you to say it=)and here is a video of you very enthusiastically reading a book with daddy. cutie pie=)

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i think that's the end of the videos for now. i have a ton of pictures to show you, but today i'll stick with the ones from christmas.

you and grandaddy being reindeer=)

you think it's way fun when grandaddy dresses up like santa!

i love that everybody is laughing=)

this would have been our christmas card picture, had i gotten my act together and dressed us up sooner=)

mommy and daddy love catherine=)

trying out the goodies from your stocking on daddy

your art desk from santa was a big hit=)

you loved your dora guitar!

daddy did too=)

showing your sweet cousin ellie how fun daddy's phone can be=)

playing with the village under gigi's christmas tree. i love this picture because that was one of my favorite things to do growing up!

i love gigi's house at christmas=)

daddy went outside and brought you a snowball. you wanted to lick it=)

jackson, anna cate, and catherine. sweet cousins=)

the torrance family christmas picture

daddy and i look like we're about to fall asleep, but i LOVE your face here! what are you thinking about...looking at your mommy so sweetly??

"helping" us open presents=)

you and jackson, playing like little angels.

i sat in this one chair at gigi's and looked out this window all day long=) it was lots of fun and very peaceful watching the snow fall!

snow pictures=)

now you're showing cousin hazel how much fun daddy's phone can be=) (daddy got a talking tomcat app on his phone and it was the hit of christmas...kept all our sweet babies happy=))

grandipa gave you a scooter for christmas! i can tell by your face that it is LOTS OF FUN!!!

mommy got to see shelly and robyn for about 15 seconds. it was not nearly long enough, but it was better than nothing!

gigi and jackson and anna cate and you played "secret agents." your name was agent big. all four of you took it very seriously=)

my sweet little firefighter=)

Lord have mercy.

this was easily my favorite family picture from christmas=) daddy got new sunglasses, obviously.

you and that popcorn.

my sweet sweet girl=)

being so kind as to share your popcorn with uncle matthew.

you are so fun. i love you sweet angel.

mommy

ps. you love corn lately. i mean seriously love corn. you wake up in the morning and the first thing you say is "I WANT TO-ORN!!!" so you have corn most mornings for breakfast. i don't see any problem with that.

pps. look what i saw daddy doing the other night....

yep. reading twilight. and then this next one is when he realized i was taking a picture of him reading twilight=)

AAAAAAH!!!!!! is that awesome or what? well, i can think of a very small handful of people that will think that is awesome. mostly women and pathetic twilight fanatics like myself. some days i think about how obsessed i was (am) with those books and i don't think i have any right to be a mother or really a grown-up at all. but at least i'm not alone in my pathetic state. feel free to make fun of me. but to all you naysayers who are laughing at donnie right now, think twice before you make fun of this husband of mine. i asked him why he was reading it and he said he just wanted to read something i love and see why i love it so much. he is getting some major points in the wife department for this. good move, donnie.

charleston=( and christmas=)

2010-12-25T13:43:00.000-08:00

merry christmas love=)

this is my favorite day of the year. our sweet Savior has come and every twinkling light and decorated tree is celebrating it. happy birthday to the One who holds us close and knows our every step and loves us irrationally. the One who sacrificed Himself to save us. to be with us forever.

oh how He loves us.

may we honor You and bless You Lord. may our celebrations bring you glory.

we've had such a great christmas so far. you and daddy are taking a nap upstairs. i'm sitting in gigi's den with a fire in the fireplace, watching the twinkling christmas tree, and listening to christmas music playing in the background. and guess what else. i'm watching the snow fall while it decorates the woods surrounding gigi and grandaddy's house with white. it's a pretty big bonus since gigi and grandaddy's house is in georgia. i can't remember ever having a white christmas growing up, so this is lots of fun=) pictures and videos to come.

let's talk about charleston. i've been putting it off because it makes me very sad and scared to talk about it. but here we go.

on monday they told us that they saw stomach in your chest on the x-ray the day after surgery. i talked to dr gully who then called dr rodgers at uva. quick refresher: dr gully is my boss and your pediatrician. dr rodgers is the surgeon at uva that did your first 8 surgeries. dr gully told him what happened, what dr saad did during surgery, and what they saw in the x-ray after surgery. in a very diplomatic way he said if it were his child, he would get a second opinion at musc with dr andre hebra. we would basically trust dr rodgers blindly because we were with him for so long and we just love him. so dr gully called dr hebra and told him everything that had gone on and that dr rodgers pointed us in his direction. he sang dr rodgers's praises for a minute and said he was basically the guru of diaphragmatic hernias, which we already knew;), and that he could see us before christmas if we wanted. you were discharged from the hospital tuesday and we had an appointment with dr hebra in charleston wednesday at 11am. we we left at 6am and made the trek down i-26. he was super nice. so was his nurse practitioner. and the gyst was (again, in a very diplomatic way) that he obviously wasn't the surgeon in the OR with catherine and he wasn't necessarily saying dr saad made poor decisions, but just going on your history he would've done things VERY differently. which makes us sick. he said that the gortex patch wouldn't have pulled at the diaphragm and caused another hole, and that it shouldn't have been touched and should have been left in there. and that he didn't think your diaphragm could've grown enough in 2 years to have healthy tissue to be sewn back together, and he's concerned that whatever tissue dr saad did sew back together (scar tissue, maybe?) won't be strong enough to hold and that you might re-herniate every 6-12 months. and he's not sure if the hiatal hernia had been there for a long time or if it happened as a result of taking out the only strength (the gortex patch) your diaphragm had...meaning the gortex patch was taken out, the diaphragm got "loose" and the stomach slipped up into your chest. and that he still would've gone in through the chest instead of the abdomen. that if the stomach had already been in the chest, you would've been able to see it if you'd gone in through the chest. so again, he doesn't know if dr saad did everything right considering what he had to work with, but basically it doesn't sound like that's the case. so at first he said that as long as you're stable he wouldn't do surgery at all, that hiatal hernias can be perfectly fine and cause no problem, and he DEFINITELY wouldn't do surgery now unless he absolutely had to. buthe had us getanother x-ray when we let his office just so he could see what all was up in your chest, and when he got the results he called us and said it was much more impressive (not in a good way) than he expected and he would definitely have to do surgery on it. but again, hopefully after you're fully recovered from this one. i'm guessing that means about 2 months, but i also think i might have just made that number up. after he saw the x-ray he asked me to get discs made of all the x-rays they had done of you during the past week and mail them to him. which we did thursday morning. he wanted to look at the x-rays to figure out if the stomach was up in the chest before that last surgery, or if it happened as a result of the surgery, and he also wanted to make sure he agreed that it was only the stomach that was in your chest now and no intestines. and he said that after he reviewed all of those, he would call us back because he probably would get a CT of you to see exactly where the hole is, and what is where in your little belly and chest. they tried to avoid a CT at greenville because it's an outrageous amount of radiation, but it makes sense at this point that dr hebra thinks he needs one. they emphasized that somebody was on call 24/7 and for us to call if anything is worrying us or if you're showing any signs of bowel obstruction. it scared us out of our minds, to be honest with you. the drive back home from charleston was not so fun because i was just staring at you the whole time wondering if you were really ok. but we started feeding you through the tube again that night and it really has perked you up. we did end up coming to atlanta to be with our family at christmas (they said there was no reason we shouldn't come) and you're doing much better. more energetic and less pain and closer to normal. you're much fussier than you were before, and though you're still a sweet angel you're not quite as sweet as before. i guess i can't blame you-having people do painful stuff to you for 5 days straight will wear a girl out and teach you to be pretty defensive.

so we're waiting. hopefully we'll hear next week when dr hebra wants the CT and we'll know more after that. in the mean time, we're praying for no complications and no bowel obstructions and complete healing from the surgery at greenville. and this next surgery will perhaps be your biggest and most intense one so we're praying that all will go smooth with that. that it will be successful and your insides will be fixed for good and that you will recover quickly and easily.

so yes, we're terrified. and sick over the fact that maybe we should've gone to charleston to begin with. but honesty, we had no idea. we're trying to be thankful that you're recovering well from this surgery, that we seem to be in good hands now, and that we have dr gully to run interference in ways that me as your mommy just wouldn't have been able to do. let's talk about dr gully for just a minute. who could've gotten two surgeons on the phone that quickly and made things happen like that? she's really just wonderful. i don't know how else to describe how i feel about the fact that she is in our life. and i think she loves you like you were her own. i'm just so thankful. and no, she doesn't read this blog so i'm not looking for a raise here or anything=)

alright. onward we go. let's talk about christmas again. last night santa brought your surprises to gigi and grandaddy's house, since he knew that's where we were sleeping. so this morning we saw what he brought you and you opened presents from mommy and daddy. then we went to grandmother's house and had christmas over there. lots of fun seeing sweet family we don't get to see very often. tomorrow we will do christmas with both sets of grandparents and all of your aunts and uncles. so tomorrow is a big day! how fun=)

i love you angel. i am very sure i'm forgetting things, but i'll remember and tell you later.

mommy

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scratch that

2010-12-20T11:14:00.000-08:00

hi sweet baby.

today you got to start eating real food. and gigi brought you an elmo airplane that you've been riding up and down the hall giggling with joy=)

but that's the end of the good news for today.

dr saad called and said the post-op x-ray they took saturday night looks like you have stomach and some bowel up in your chest that must've gotten up there through another hole closer to your esophagus (hiatal hernia). they were trying pretty carefully to avoid that area during the first surgery, and that's why they didn't see it when they were in there. insert expletives here, if you're an expletive kind of person.

they're doing an upper GI in the morning to confirm all this and then move on to surgery to repair it either tomorrow afternoon or wednesday. and we start all over again.

things to pray for:

-that they really wouldn't use fentanyl this time, now that they've seen your reaction (i talked to sweet mary dillon, one of the anesthesiologists in virginia that i used to work with, and she confirmed that morphine would be perfectly fine to use. she also confirmed that the anesthesia provider that did your surgery and completely sent me into an outrage has no place taking care of you, much less any other child)

-that we are in the right place, with the right surgeons. your pediatrician/my boss talked with dr rodgers this morning and they discussed the possibility of a second opinion at MUSC. i desperately don't want to do this, but if i knew it was the right thing we would go there in a heartbeat. i'll talk with dr saad about that this afternoon when he comes to see us.

-that this surgery goes just as smoothly as the last one seemed to--with no chest tubes or ventilators or picu afterwards. and that you would recover just as easily as you have these last few days.

-the surgery flipping works this time and there are no other holes hanging out anywhere waiting to pop some bowel on up to your chest.

i love you sweet angel. i am so scared. and sad and frustrated. but mostly scared.

our sweet and hilarious friend caroline bedingfield suggested that daddy and i stay away from sharp objects and ledges. and i'm trying desperately to go numb, but that's virtuously impossible when you own my heart.

Jesus hold us close.

mommy

post-op day 2

2010-12-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

hi love.

you've had a pretty good day. they are, of course, worried about all your thick secretions you can't seem to get up. and i am, of course, wondering if any of them would like me to say "i told you so". i promise that is the only bitter comment i'll make=)

last night your sats were dropping a little because of all the mucous and it hurt when you would try to cough it up so you'd try to not cough...so we didn't sleep much. today you have been such a brave girl walking through the halls and going from toy to toy in the playroom and sitting on daddy's lap blowing party kazoos and drawing...all this was done with the goal of getting all the secretions up. and it's working! you're still pretty junky, but your sats are improving and you're tolerating all the movement better and better each time we get you out of bed. (you still fuss and say "mommy mommy! tummy hurting!!" while we're walking down the hall, but you're getting the job done.) all this movement has also helped your bowels kick into gear. you passed some gas earlier this afternoon and daddy and i started squealing and throwing a mini party in your room. so hopefully soon you'll be able to drink and if you do ok with that you can eat and if all goes well you're one great big step closer to going home!!!

i'm very proud of you sweet love. you've worked very hard today!

mommy

ps. (i like ps's lately, don't i??) a few hours have passed since i wrote that first paragraph...they let you eat some italian ice and jello and broth and guess what!!! you pooped!!! your colon is definitely spasming when you pass gas and right before you pooped...i'm very sad about that. but i'm so thankful your bowels woke up and are cooperating!!! it's funny that it's a very specific answer to prayer, but it sure is=)

here's a video of you right after surgery. we'd gotten you back to your room after recovery and were barely awake. you were pretty cute kissing everybody and your new turtle toradol.

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mama calmed down=)

2010-12-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

hi sweet baby=)

good news.

1) i'm feeling less like a raging lunatic.
2) your surgery went well and you're recovering smoothly so far.
3) the first is directly related to the second.

we left you in the OR at 2:15 and they called us to come see you in the pacu a little after 6. the actual surgery only took about 2 1/2 hours. dr saad sounded really encouraged when he called me from the OR when he was done. he's not the kind of surgeon that sounds encouraged even if things didn't go well, so i trusted it. they made an incision just below the old one (just below your g-tube) which is why it didn't take quite so long (going through a ton of scar tissue would've taken a LO-ONG time). he said the hole was about the size of a quarter and it was medial to the old patch (i understand that to mean it was basically between the old patch and your spine). he pushed your colon back down into the right spot and took the old patch out. then he sewed your diaphragm back together. this is important because it means your diaphragm has grown and is a normal size and was able to be put back together without a patch. and then he did sew his patch on top of it to reinforce the place where he sewed the diaphragm back together. here's some explanation of all that...2 years ago dr rodgers put in a gortex patch (it's the only kind of patch they had then) and a gortex patch stays there forever, doesn't grow with the child, etc, which means as the child grows, the patch can (and 60% of the time does) pull at the diaphragm which can cause another hole. for the record, dr rodgers is still, in my mind, on a ridiculously high pedestal...i don't blame him in any way...that sweet bushy eyebrowed man didn't have a choice in the matter...he did the only thing he could. but yes-thank goodness for new kind of patch that dr saad was able to use yesterday. the new patches are made of pig skin and it's basically like a lattice mesh work--over 3-6 months the diaphragm grows new cells that weave themselves through the patch to form new diaphragm and the patch dissolves in that time. so there's WAY less risk that the diaphragm would re-herniate after that. PLUS the fact that your diaphragm was actually sewn to itself and the patch was only used for reinforcement....it's great news my girl=)

when they stuck you for an IV in the OR your blood was super thin and like kool-aid, so they checked a hemoglobin which was 6.7 and a hematocrit which was 19. laymen's terms: they were both super crazy low. you were very anemic and your blood was very thin and it wasn't carrying around enough oxygen to your little body parts. this is almost positively because you were dehydrated and hadn't had much at all in your tummy for nourishment in the previous two days. so they gave you some blood before they even started and it made everything better. and then was the surgery which i've already told you about.

here are some other fun facts (understatement of the century) from surgery: they did a chest x-ray while you were still under anesthesia to see if there was a pneumothorax (hole in your lung caused by surgery) and if there was one he would've had to put in a chest tube. there was no pneumothorax and therefore no chest tube. he also thought you might have to remain intubated for a while after surgery just in case your sweet lungs were having a hard time. you did not have a hard time at all when they took out the breathing tube, so you didn't have to stay on a ventilator either=) both of these things were great to hear and it meant that you didn't have to go to the picu. you got to come back to your room that you were in before surgery on the regular pediatric floor. the picu wouldn't have been so bad-that didn't make much of a difference to me, but it WAS great that you didn't need a chest tube or a ventilator after surgery=)=)=)=)=)

all in all, this means surgery was a great success and that it went far better than we feared it might. again, i will try to keep this part short, but today you are in fact having some trouble because of the fentanyl-type drug they gave you during surgery, and it makes me want to go back and smack everybody who didn't listen to me. but i will refrain=) it's not lady-like. or Jesus-like. basically you just have really thick sticky secretions (mucous) that you try and try to cough up but the fact that it's so thick and sticky would make it really hard for anybody, even if they hadn't just had major surgery and an abdominal incision that felt like it was on fire. so you need to cough constantly and every time you cough you start crying because it hurts so bad to cough. but you're powering through.

i stayed with you in the hospital last night and you slept like a little angel. all was well until 8am and you went from peacefully sleeping to screaming the next second. "mommy! mommy! mommy! tummy hurting! tummy hurting! tummy hurting!" it was actually very cute. and heart-breaking. all at once. you were crying and hurting for a few hours and it took all morning but a little after lunch time the right combination of pain medicine kicked in and you've been sleeping soundly for a few hours now. i swear you are the sweetest little girl i have ever met. i can't even say that i'm being biased. when your nasal cannula comes out of your nose you try your hardest to put it back and hold it there until somebody helps you. what a good little patient you are. the first thing you said last night when you woke up a little in the pacu was "water" and "i'm better" and "i did it". and the occasional "tummy hurting". most definitely the most popular words coming out of your mouth today are "mommy" and "tummy hurting". makes sense to me. you are super clingy to your mommy and i am ever so willing to be at your beck and call. all you've really wanted all day is for me to snuggle next to you in bed and you keep saying "hold hands" and you'll reach around till you find my hand then pull it close to your chest and go to sleep. or keep crying and looking scared, however you're feeling at the moment. i like the sleeping better. i don't like you hurting sweet angel. but it will get better. and soon. they said when your belly wakes up your colon will spasm a little since it was up in your chest and that it will not feel good when it does, so we're not looking forward to that. but we'll figure it out. if your bowel sounds pick up you might get to have some liquids tonight and maybe some food tomorrow. IF your bowel sounds pick up and you pass some gas. you're usually very good at that. don't fail us now, sweet girl=)

every time any medical person (except dr saad and a few of your nurses) comes in the room, you look at me frantically and say "i'm better" or "i'm sleepy" because you think that will get you out of whatever they're about to do to you. smart thinking, if you ask me. i wish it would work.

you have a plethora of stuffed animals surrounding you in the hospital bed. your own little personal zoo. it's a habit that when you have surgery, we buy you stuffed animals. this time you've gotten a big fluffy snowman and a turtle (gigi named it theodore and daddy named it turdy, which gigi didn't like, so daddy came up with "toradol" instead. toradol is the pain medicine you're getting around the clock and we all are big fans. so "toradol" as your turtle's name is a happy compromise for everyone.) you also got a ladybug named lily that we get to draw on and wash off and draw on and wash off. pretty fun. that's the only real activity you've been interested in today. mostly you wanted mommy to color the hearts on lily pink and then you watched and colored your own nose with red marker. brilliant. just now you stirred around a little and reached over and touched my arm, looked up at me, and said "hi". oh there you go waving and saying "hi" to daddy. i think it's hilarious when you just say "hi" out of nowhere. especially when you're gorked out on pain medication. oh just now you looked at me and said "i sleepy" and i told you that you could go back to sleep so you nodded and shut your eyes. you really are a funny little bird. you're doing lots of cute things. i can't remember them all. i'll tell you later maybe.

i can't possibly begin to express my thankfulness to our friends and family who have checked on you. their prayers and encouraging words mean more to me than i could ever explain. they are our cheering section and so much more. i was hysterical with fear during surgery yesterday. i didn't want to even think about what was going on with you down there in that OR because it made me crazy but then i felt bad for not thinking about it and just wanting to be distracted. in the middle of all this madness going through my head i got a text from my sweet friend abby that said "keep picturing Jesus gowned up in that OR. guiding those surgeons. like...let's fix my girl again guys. on my knees, friend." and although this put me into another round of hysterics, it came at the perfect moment and gave me the peace i hadn't been able to find all day. and my sweet cousin melissa reminded me today "whenever you feel down, just remember you have so many people always praying for y'all and your miracle girl! you quite literally have your own prayer army ready to bombard heaven's gates on your behalf." thank you abby, and melissa, and everyone else who has prayed for catherine and encouraged us and stood behind and walked with us during this particular part of catherine's story. we have felt you and been strengthened by you. i am enormously thankful and wish i could hug every one of you and give you big kisses on the cheek. and then let catherine kiss you, because she gives the best kisses.

alright my angel. you can do this. i love you more than life and wish desperately i could be doing this instead of you.

bring on the gas.

mommy

ps. it has been predicted that sometime over the next couple of days i'll erase my letter from yesterday. that maybe i won't be happy with the way i was griping after i calm down a bit more. that might be right-i don't generally like to talk bad about people. it's virtuously impossible to do that and reflect Jesus at the same time. but then again i value authenticity over almost everything else, so i might just leave it there. and i am a flawed and imperfect daughter of the King walking around in a fallen world. so right now, my bet is that the previous letter will remain just as it is...but it's yet to be determined=)

re-herniated

2010-12-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

yep. it happened.

i think this will be a shortened version of the story because i'm trying not to think too much about it all. it makes me feel scared.

you had a cold a few weeks ago. no big deal. you always cough for a long time after colds because your left lung isn't quite normal. again, no big deal. but wednesday you started showing signs of respiratory distress-breathing faster and nasal flaring and retractions (if that means anything to anyone)...just basically you were having to work harder to breathe. you were really tired and wanted to sleep a lot-i brought my stethoscope home from work and listened to your lungs-your left lung had diminished breath sounds (they weren't as loud as the right lung) and i honestly thought i heard bowel sounds in your left lung. i was hoping i was just delirious with fear and i wasn't really hearing bowel sounds in your chest...wednesday night i was sleeping in the big bed with you and basically staring at you and counting your breaths and listening to you with my stethoscope every 10 minutes and wondering if you needed albuterol but knowing it wouldn't work...at 12:30 daddy came in and encouraged me to go sleep in our bed and let him sleep with you. sweet daddy. we did that and i did sleep a little. i took you in the morning to get a chest x-ray to see if your diaphragm really had re-herniated and they confirmed that it had (the hole that they patched when you were a week old opened back up a little). so your transverse colon is up by your heart. it's not as bad as it was when you were born, mostly because your lungs are big and working now, and also because the hole isn't as big and there's not as much bowel up in your chest. so we took you to greenville memorial to see dr saad who is the surgeon we met in july and he sent us over to the hospital. we love him, by the way. i've shed a few tears of frustration and fear since we've been here at this hospital because i feel like some of the caregivers don't listen to your mama, who knows you perhaps better than anyone else on the planet. throw in the fact that i have some medical education, and it seems like my opinion might be of some value, right? call me crazy. (i'm bitter, can you tell?) some of them think your colon has been in your chest for a while; i am 200% confident that isn't true, and that it herniated on wednesday (there are VERY few things that i am 200% confident about). they won't listen to me that you have an allergy to fentanyl. i'm gonna have to just start saying you have an anaphylactic reaction to make them take it seriously. they were worried about her "viral symptoms" and they said that's why they weren't doing the surgery last night, but in my mind it would be more urgent to get my sweet baby's freaking intestines out of her chest. will you please just tell me that you've been in surgery all day and catherine is stable and it's not worth taking a sleepy OR team in to do my daughter's surgery. i can easily respect that and actually appreciate it. just tell me the truth, for crying out loud. and don't act like i'm an idiot. ok. it is past time for me to quit my ranting (i meant to stop 5 minutes ago-sorry love. i'm hoping you'll be old enough when you read this to forgive me and my bitterness. i love you relentlessly and these people are bringing out the most ferocious version of mama bear);)

so fast forward....you're in surgery now. it's 3pm on friday. maybe you'll be out by 8pm tonight. they gave you versed while we were still holding you before you went into the OR but it didn't work like it did last time. you acted like you were having a night terror instead. (you had your first night terror the other night, by the way. it was just as terrifying as i was told it would be). but seeing you go completely ballistic while handing you over sent me into a fit of hysterics and i cried into daddy's shoulders for a while after we left the OR. now i'm up here festering and scared out of my mind and telling you about the people that make me upset. i'm just scared, sweet baby. that you will die. or that you will live, but this will keep happening. or that there will be complications and you will lose more of your bowel, which will make your eating "situation" even harder. let's talk about that for a second. dr saad at first thought he could go in through your chest (between your 4th and 5th rib) to do the surgery and that way not have to manipulate much of your bowel and that wouldn't cause as many adhesions and possibilities for bowel obstructions and possibly having to remove more intestines. we were very excited about that. then this morning he called and said he looked at more of your records from UVA and the patch they used to repair your diaphragm when you were born has to be removed for him to place a new one, and he can only do that if he goes in through the abdomen. so that's a bummer. they'll go in pretty close to your previous incision (such a faint little scar now-but no worries. i don't care much about the scars. you might disagree one day, but it's very low on my list of worries, sweet angel). and that means they will manipulate more of your bowel and there will be more risk of problems with your intestines after surgery.....but let's pray that won't happen.

alright. so you're in there. i have to stop soon or i will freak out again. daddy and gigi and your current nurse elizabeth are wonderful and are helping to calm me down. and i have a slight suspicion (wishful thinking??) that i'm making myself out to sound more crazy than i'm actually acting, but then again i might be underplaying my crazy. it's happened before.

Jesus send Your Holy Spirit to fill this hospital and this room and catherine's OR and her sweet body. please keep her safe. heal her well and keep her healthy and safe after surgery. make her peaceful and comfortable and happy and keep her from feeling afraid while she is away from us during surgery. we love you Jesus. i trust You. there's no better place for her than in Your hands.

i love you sweet angel. i am crazy with fear. i don't know what else to say, really.

mommy

ps. i should say that there have been some people who've taken care of you here that are wonderful. i'm thankful for them. and i want to hug them almost every time i see them.

pps. greenville memorial hospital is a great reputable hospital. they just don't know you. they should listen to your mama because you are quite the complex little cookie. and i've been there every step of the way and paid attention to every painstaking detail. and they just simply don't do as many diaphragmatic hernia repairs or re-hernia repairs here as UVA does...it scares the dickens out of me. (what are dickens?)

ppps. believe it or not, this did end up being a shortened version of the story.

catherine goes to the zoo, christmas prom, etc...

2010-12-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

hi love=)

here are some fun things we've been doing over the last few weeks.

we took you to the zoo in greenville and had lots of fun!

you're waving at your monkey friend. i think it was a gibbon? is that right?

i love this picture of you. you were so excited about our christmas tree and the ornaments. "oh-muh-nents." you would tell us that bob was your favorite (bob the tomato) and that the tiger was daddy's favorite. i asked which one was mommy's favorite and you pointed to one of our "baby's first christmas" ornaments. fair enough=)

christmas is absolutely magical with a sweet little girl in our home. i remember being little and feeling all "magical-y" on christmas eve because the whole world was anticipating together and watching the sky for santa claus to come...and what fun that was. and now it's magical all over again, but in a very different way. i like the kind of magical with you in the house the best=)

4th annual "christmas prom" in richmond, virginia=)

i'd like to highlight the half of josh and his date that we can see. way to go, josh.

gosh, we miss these friends.

this is funny because we were taking couple pictures. when it got to be mine and daddy's turn you looked up and just walked right over to where we were posing. like "of course i belong in this picture too. those are my people." i love it. i also love how you look like a little ragamuffin=)

your smile makes me laugh=)

merry christmas season sweet baby=) i love you.

mommy

"Jesus was born..."

2010-12-07T09:27:00.001-08:00

hi love=)

we're pretty excited about christmas at the davis house. we decorated before thanksgiving even got here and we listen to christmas music at home and in the car all day every day and we read christmas books every night before we go to bed. you now know that we celebrate christmas because Jesus was born on that day lots of years ago. you know that mary is His mommy and "jofef" is His daddy and there's an angel and a star involved...you also learned that Jesus made you better when you were a baby and so sick. you see pictures of yourself as a baby in the hospital and you say "baby cat-n sick"...and you not only tell me that Jesus made you better but that He also made mommy better. yes my sweet girl-He did indeed make mommy better. i think i froze and didn't say anything for a few seconds when i heard your sweet voice say that=) hands down one of my favorite things you've ever said. do you have any idea the depths of those words that came from your sweet little mouth? that Jesus really did, and nothing less than the greatest miracle in all history, make everyone all "better". purified and white as snow. that He died on a cross and forgave all of our sins and redeemed us from the pits. you kind of get it...one second i think that you're supernaturally understanding it all and then you say that, in addition to cat-n and mommy and daddy and gigi and jackson, He also made elmo and big bird better. so in your sweet 2-year-old mind, you get it=) i couldn't possibly be more proud. below this is a video of a few of our "Jesus was born and He made catherine better" lessons. enjoy=)

i love you sweet angel. you are our heart's delight and i'm so excited to celebrate Jesus' birthday with you and your sweet daddy.

mommy

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october/november and thanksgiving pictures

2010-12-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

at the end of october mommy had a conference in atlanta and you got to stay at gigi and grandaddy's house. jackson got a new puppy for his birthday and you loved meeting him! here are some pictures from that week...

running after charlie the puppy.

exploring.

a rare moment of bashful.

sweet angel.

back at home...you and max. i love your sweet goofy personality=)

i came in to check on you before i went to bed and this is what i saw. the picture doesn't do it justice, but you were sprawled out across your entire bed. make yourself comfy, sweet girl.

this is one of my favorites=) looking sporty and ready for the cold!!!

finger-painting a masterpiece

showing me the tiger ornament.

you wanted so badly to wake up max!! you settled for quietly watching him sleep=)

laughing hysterically at susie=)

aunt elaine and daddy doing who knows what at thanksgiving. we love them=)

the davis family thanksgiving picture=)

you and sweet hazel playing in the tent.

you two were pretty fascinated by the fish that were going in your uncle's tank. in about 2 minutes, your arm slips and you fall halfway into this bucket.

silly catherine with grandypa and susie

BIG D!!!!!

we got to spend some thanksgiving time at big d's farm with aunt nikki, aunt elaine, and uncle keith. what fun=)

"i love you too, mommy"

2010-11-15T17:52:00.001-08:00

hi love. look at you in this video. melting me to my very core=) turning mommy's heart to mush.

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in other news, i thought i'd share what you thanked God for during your bedtime prayers tonight. in this order: "apples, bananas, water, ice, dora, boots, elmo, daddy". dora, elmo, and boots always make the cut...and usually gigi, grandaddy, grandypa, nikki, jackson, anna cate, and hazel are all in there too. but tonight you were particularly focused on God's provision of nourishment in your life=)

i love you sweet angel. i'm so lucky you are my girl.

mommy

i'm back

2010-11-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

hi love. it's been a long time. got a lot to talk about. let's get to it.

you are the cutest. that's nothing new, but it just surprises me every day i think. my sweet friend libby told me that the terrible two's is a crock. that her sweet boy isaiah gets cooler every day. so far, you are following in his footsteps. do you remember the germer's? libby and kevin and isaiah?? they are in virginia and we miss them so much.

so as for general updates, fall is here. it's getting cooler and we're liking that except that we're both a little sick. no big deal though. i think we're gonna make it. you're in your little pre-school 4 or 5 days a week now and doing MUCH better than before. i don't think i've told you this either, but we started you in one but switched after a month. i didn't know if i was being a crazy mama with unrealistic expectations, but we went on my instincts and changed schools, and they have proven me not crazy. at least, not crazy in this situation. mama's crazy is still up for debate. but you like this new school so much better. i'll leave it at that. but mama's heart is much happier now that yours is=) i've started my new job. i love it. it's a somewhat emotional thing for me to be working as a nurse practitioner-just because it reminds me of how God carried me through grad school in the midst of having a sweet precious girl that was so sick and in and out of the hospital for the first two years of her life. but enough of the dramatic and back to the updates...

~one of my favorite things you do lately is give us a run-down of each day. this is what you say, in this order: mommy work, daddy work, cat-n play friends (catherine plays with friends, at school), eat, take nap, mommy comes, go home." i think it's hilarious (and also brilliant) that you tell us in the correct order what happens every day.

~a few weeks ago you were playing in the tub with your letters that stick up on the wall. i was listening to you playing and you kept saying "LETTERS! YEAH COME ON! LETTERS! YEAH COME ON!" i don't know where that came from, but it was pretty funny=)

~remember how you got a skin infection around your g-tube this summer? well now you will randomly pull up your shirt and point to your tube and say "tube hurt......better". and then you got strep throat in august and you keep saying "sick.....better". like you want to remind us that you were sick but now you're better. we saw auntie robyn in target last month and that was the first thing you said to her. drama queen, maybe?

~you like to tell us who you think is cool. which is everyone. but if we let you go in order you usually say "cat-n cool! daddy cool! mommy cool! jackson cool! gigi cool! granddaddy cool! grandypa cool! nikki cool!" we also don't know where you learned what "cool" means...

~you have a book called "poodlena" about a pink sassy poodle. you call her "penny-woona" and we make you say it all day long.

~we had one of my favorite saturdays a few weeks ago. we sat on the couch snuggled under blankets together reading books and watching movies and eating pizza. i hope we have lots of those saturdays over the next 16 years=) they are my favorites.

ok. here are some pictures.

walking around in daddy's flip flops

one of your favorite things to do: flip backwards in your chair. brave little dare devil.

there are no words for this display of sass=)

warner zagorski demasters is here!!! we were lucky enough to be in columbia for the day of his arrival!!! congratulations kristy and dave!! we'll never be able to thank you enough for letting us be a part of that special day!! i love you three so much=)

i took this for veronica. she gave you this ladybug outfit and she deserves to see how cute you are in it! i'm not sure where your pants were at this point...

this was the day you discovered macaroni and cheese. it changed your world. you ran around yelling "RONI!" for the rest of the day. you couldn't get enough!

i took this one for kacie and the feeding clinic in richmond. you're a little eating machine!!!

as if i wasn't already aware of the twins i have living with me...

our sweet downstairs friend max. you like to push him around in your baby stroller and help him learn to walk=)

lord have mercy.

this is the first time you pooped on the potty=) we have a picture of the potty after you pooped too, but we will spare the mass public from that=)

grandmama and papa's birthdays!

cuties=)

grandmama and papa with almost all of their great-grandchildren.

mommy and daddy went to my high school reunion a few weeks ago...these are some of my favorite friends from high school! back row: danielle longo makris, carly dwyer whatley, emilie ross smith, your mama, robyn rayside zercher, hannah phillips dichiara. front row: lauren turriglio, ashleigh wallace huggins. sweet girls!!! they have all been cheering you on since you were growing in my tummy!!!

i promise to try so hard to write sooner next time. i get frustrated with myself that i haven't written yet, then i get more and more to say built up in my head, then i get overwhelmed, and i procrastinate. welcome to my head. it's a mess.

we quit using your g-tube a few weeks ago. so far, so good! we'll weigh you every couple of weeks and see if you're gaining enough weight...

i love you angel. you're eating fried eggs right now. i'm gonna go watch you.

mommy

birthday party...catherine is 2!!!

2010-09-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

hey sweet princess=) here are some pictures and videos from your elmo birthday party at gigi and granddaddy's house. we had lots of fun! you weren't so sure at first about everybody singing happy birthday to you...you got so scared!! but you got over it quickly and realized the cake was worth it and the icing was delicious!!!!! before i show you the pictures and videos, i wanted to tell you a few of my favorite things you're doing lately:

~when you see pictures of penguins, you say "pennies"
~you found our old baby einstein videos and you call them "baby fine-fine"
~we were looking at some pictures of our cousin's sweet new girlfriend...when we got to one looking at her from behind while she was looking out at the ocean (in a bathing suit) you said "HINEY!" and got really excited=)
~we finally gave in and bought you your own little potty. you sit on it and grunt and push and it's hilarious. you tee-tee in it once or twice a day and are very proud of yourself! we are proud of you too!
~pillow is "pedal" and yellow is "yadow"
~you know the game "pee-pie" kinda like peek-a-boo? when we play it and you say "POO-PIE!" ~you call diapers "boppers" and i can't get enough of it. you always tell me who's on your diaper-it used to be elmo and you got upset when we started buying mickey mouse diapers instead...but you're on board now and tell me "MEE-MOUSE!" when i tell you it's time to change your diaper=)

there's the update for now=) you were a sweet sweet girl at your party-my grandmother kept saying she didn't know another 2 year old who was so patient opening presents one by one and not playing with them until the end. i think she's biased, but i am too, so i'll take it=)

i love you my sweet 2 year old girl=) enjoy your pictures!

mommy

sweet cousin hazel=)

sweet addy with the famous curly hair=)

catherine and jackson giving sweet kisses.

uncle keith and their new puppy

checking out some gifts.

you loved your elmo birthday party!

i included this one because i think your hair is BEAUTIFUL!!

laughing with your elmo balloon=)

grandypa is here!

catherine playing with the boys.

miley and miss christi!

not AT ALL sure about your birthday cake.

or the candle...

or everybody singing "happy birthday" to you...

or everybody clapping for you!

mommy was happy to come snuggle you=)

and you decided maybe it wasn't so bad...

"mmmm. this is actually pretty tasty."

"MOM! YOU GOTTA TRY THIS!!"

gettin' down to business.

this cake business is not so bad!!

waiting patiently to open presents=)

i love how you always curl your toes and snuggle your feet together.

cutie pants. and those toes again=)

pretty excited about your purse!

your new hello kitty panties=)

this is your excited face=) i love it.

will. i fell in love with this kid.

the excited face again=)

little wonder-filled eyes=)

i included this one just because i look so ridiculous.

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all caught up

2010-09-01T10:30:00.001-07:00

ok love. i think i've caught you up on everything from graduation till i passed my test...now i'll tell you what's been going on during the last few weeks...

walt farrell got married!! do you remember mama's friend jennifer who lives with Jesus in heaven? walt is her little brother. he's quite a catch. and his sweet emily just might be worthy of him=) here are some pictures from their wedding day...

you and me. spiffed up. making silly faces in the mirror.

the fam pre-wedding. i'm not sure what you see over there in the corner, but i'm guessing you didn't like it.

you and a new friend dancing like crazy fools at the reception.

you were OUT OF CONTROL on the dance floor-dancing and dancing and laughing and getting everyone else to dance with you...but by the time i went to the car to get my camera, you were pooped out=(

daddy got called out by the band for cheating on the "little bit lower now" part of the song "shout".....i think that just means he wasn't getting lower...so they made him go up on stage and dance by himself.

this is a little taste of the moves he displayed up on stage. it looked A LOT like something he might've done at football practice 10 years ago. we were very proud, even though you cried and reached for him on stage the whole time=)

then we got to meet baby luke mahon=) his parents jenny and brian were mommy's friends when she went to clemson, and jenny was one of mommy's bridesmaids in mine and daddy's wedding. luke is a precious little thing and so handsome...we were so happy to meet him and finally get to spend some time with sweet jenny and her family!

catherine loves baby luke!

for some reason i like the pictures that get taken before you're actually posing=)

and here we are posing: jenny, luke, catherine, mommy, and ethan (jenny's nephew)

back at home-hanging out on your turtle=)

why wouldn't you watch diego while sitting in your baby doll's stroller?

sweet girl with her mouth full of food and elmo. still in your baby doll's stroller=)

this is one of my favorite times of the night-after your bath wrapped up in a towel waiting for me to get your pajamas=)