success=)

hi sweet baby!

so you did great yesterday getting your trach. i had worked the night before and uva let me stay in one of their "room-in rooms" yesterday and last night, so i could sleep while you were in surgery and be close to you while you recovered. well after i dropped you off in the OR, i went back to the room and didn't even have time to fall asleep before they came and got me! you were already back up in the nicu and the surgery took no time at all! i'm very proud of you for behaving=) yesterday you had a nurse who loves you so much. she told me how she walked into the OR and saw your smiling face up on this big screen because the camera was on you. and they were trying to give you gas to make you fall asleep before they started but you just kept looking around the OR at everybody=) you have quite the tolerance to medication! still-you're super cute and i wish i could've seen it. anyway, i went into the nicu to see you, and had a little mini-panic before i rounded the corner to your bed. i had definitely gotten on board with the trach, but all of a sudden it hit me that this is what i had been dreading for so long and even though i knew it was the best thing for you, i was just a little big afraid of what i was going to see. so for about 5 minutes it was a little hard to see you with this thing sticking out of your neck. i laugh at myself for writing that because it couldn't be worse than seeing two big red cannulas coming out of your neck pumping your in and out of your body while you were on ecmo=) still, it was just hard seeing you breastfeeding two weeks ago and now you have a trach. anyway, i got over it in 5 minutes=) you slept all day yesterday and last night, and a lot of today. at first you would wake up a little tiny bit and seem a little grumpy about it. daddy and i figured you were thinking something like "oh great-i fall asleep for 30 minutes and look what they do to me!"...you're a trooper sweet . but today you really woke up. you were so alert and looking around and flapping those arms and kicking your legs and you were very happy. i can't begin to tell you how much that made my heart rest. i was so afraid you were going to be furious angry when you woke up with something stuck in your throat. you actually seem much more relaxed than when you were intubated. you're not coughing as much as you were before. and you really seem to like having your mouth free. i got you your own chapstick today and it's cherry flavored. now i have to go buy myself some of the same kind because it will remind me of you=) you seem to like that too-you start licking your lips as soon as i start putting it on you. you are the cutest baby i can't even stand it. we love seeing your whole face-your friends in the nicu all come by and say how pretty it is and how glad they are to see it. you are quite popular=)

so the plan is to let your throat and neck get used to the trach for 7 days, and then dr rogers, your surgeon (and one of my favorite people) will change the trach out for the first time. that gives you time to "epithelialize" it which basically means your skin will grow to it a little and stop the leak that you currently have there. then they will start teaching mommy and daddy how to do that ourselves, because we'll do it once a week once you're home. they'll teach us how to clean it and how to suction you through it. lots of things to learn. but then they are planning to transfer you to chippenham at the end of next week or the beginning of thanksgiving week. then you'll just scoot yourself along until you can come home with us. i've been told lots of different things about when you might come home-one person said by christmas, one person said 2-4 weeks, and one person said maybe january if you do everything right. who knows. but that's the plan=)

i love you sweet baby-i'll go back in and play with you a little now before i go and do your laundry-one of my new favorite things=)

mommy