scratch that

hi sweet baby.

today you got to start eating real food. and gigi brought you an elmo airplane that you've been riding up and down the hall giggling with joy=)

but that's the end of the good news for today.

dr saad called and said the post-op x-ray they took saturday night looks like you have stomach and some bowel up in your chest that must've gotten up there through another hole closer to your esophagus (hiatal hernia). they were trying pretty carefully to avoid that area during the first surgery, and that's why they didn't see it when they were in there. insert expletives here, if you're an expletive kind of person.

they're doing an upper GI in the morning to confirm all this and then move on to surgery to repair it either tomorrow afternoon or wednesday. and we start all over again.

things to pray for:

-that they really wouldn't use fentanyl this time, now that they've seen your reaction (i talked to sweet mary dillon, one of the anesthesiologists in virginia that i used to work with, and she confirmed that morphine would be perfectly fine to use. she also confirmed that the anesthesia provider that did your surgery and completely sent me into an outrage has no place taking care of you, much less any other child)

-that we are in the right place, with the right surgeons. your pediatrician/my boss talked with dr rodgers this morning and they discussed the possibility of a second opinion at MUSC. i desperately don't want to do this, but if i knew it was the right thing we would go there in a heartbeat. i'll talk with dr saad about that this afternoon when he comes to see us.

-that this surgery goes just as smoothly as the last one seemed to--with no chest tubes or ventilators or picu afterwards. and that you would recover just as easily as you have these last few days.

-the surgery flipping works this time and there are no other holes hanging out anywhere waiting to pop some bowel on up to your chest.

i love you sweet angel. i am so scared. and sad and frustrated. but mostly scared.

our sweet and hilarious friend caroline bedingfield suggested that daddy and i stay away from sharp objects and ledges. and i'm trying desperately to go numb, but that's virtuously impossible when you own my heart.

Jesus hold us close.

mommy