Friday, August 15, 2008

regaining peace and perspective

catherine-

hi baby girl=) there have been lots of thoughts floating around in my head the last few weeks (it's becoming pretty normal for me=)) and i wanted to tell you about them. i was talking to a friend a while back and realized that my perspective on you being sick had started to change a little-for the worse. i think it's understandable and human for this to happen, but i want so badly to maintain a Godly perspective on all of this-i honestly don't know how else to deal with it my sweet girl! every now and then, especially here toward the end, i'll start feeling hopeful and then realize how i'm thinking and get so scared, trying to balance hope with medical reality. knowing God can and sometimes does perform miracles, but recognizing that might not be what He has in store this time....and that's ok. i want so badly to continue with the mindset and prayer for God to do absolutely whatever brings Him the most glory. as much as i want to keep you, and as heartbreaking as it is to think of watching you take your last little breath, i feel unbelievably honored that He would choose you to be a part of whatever He has in store-whether that's in your life or in your death. in church sunday i read my very favorite verse over again and it helped me regain that perspective a little. here is the verse:

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
~Ephesians 3:16-21

i do pray these things for you my sweet girl. i pray more than anything that you would indeed grasp how wide and long and high and deep Christ's love is for YOU-how he delights in you-and if He were to give you a long life here on earth i pray that you would experience the ability that has to transform a person into reckless abandon toward Jesus. i pray that you would be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God-everything He is and all He has to offer you. if you can truly grasp that, you can't help but fall madly in love with Him and be changed by it my precious little one. it's just not possible to stay the same. i like the part about Him being able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, because it seems like i don't even know what to pray while we're walking through this journey with you-i pray what's on my heart for sure, but i can't even begin to imagine what He might be doing in all of this-and that brings peace to my heart-that no matter what i'm praying, He has an unconditionally wonderful plan for you and for us-and that doesn't change whether i understand it or not. do you know what else brings me comfort? thinking that you are purely His right now-that you have not been tainted by the world in even the slightest bit-that you do have His perspective and you are absolutely on board with whatever it is He's doing-you have no complaints about whether He lets us have you for a while or whether he brings you straight to be with Him in heaven-you have lots to teach us my sweet baby, and i'm so thankful for your pure perspective. you have impacted us in a way that will leave us changed forever. the last part that's bolded, "to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever" reminds me of the little legacy you're leaving already-your story is a beautiful one-one that is full of God's grace and mercy to all of us who love you, His love story with you, and of that unfathomable plan He has that keeps Him mysterious and all-powerful and ultimately good.

andrea maccorkle, the sweet mama of my dear friend and sister-in-law elaine, gave me another verse a few weeks ago. it's John 14:27, and it says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." this was Jesus talking and it does help give me peace and i read it over and over to myself when i start feeling scared. it reminds me that He is the giver of all peace-in knowing Him is the only place i can truly find that. it also reminds me that His plans are not the kind that we can think up here on earth-He is far above and beyond our ways of thinking and comprehension. that makes it ok that His plan for you might be to take you straight to heaven. but what if he lets us keep you??? that is indeed a good plan too, and He will sustain us as your parents and provide us with what you need. you are a gift, no matter what, and we will take what He gives us of you=)

i love you baby girl-let's go take a nap now and wait for daddy to get home=)

mommy

14 comments:

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Dear Katie,
I have been following your story. Every time I read your blog I am reminded of a saying I once heard.

"Grace isn't what happens to you. Grace is how you HANDLE what happens to you"
You and your husband and Catherine are so filled with Grace.

In the next week and beyond, I'll be praying for you.

Erin said...

This is yet again another beautiful letter to baby girl. I am praying for you, as always. I love you, Katie d!

ShannaRenee said...

this is the most beautiful letter! you describe God's love so perfectly well. my favorite line is when you write about experiencing His love and say "It's just not possible to stay the same." Very true. I think that also applies to knowing you and Donnie and Catherine's story. Your love for each other and for God is simply amazing and inspiring. My prayers are with you guys- and again, thank-you for opening your beautiful heart for all to see. God is Good!

Erin said...

I don't know you guys but I have been praying for you. I pray that Jesus will give you strength, whatever the outcome. I pray for a miracle, because He can, but if it is not His will then I will pray for grace. You both are something I strive to be, your faith is so deep. I pray for comfort during this time. I have prayed and cried for you and I pray and cry for you now.

Please Lord help this family, give them strength Jesus, give them peace. Be with Catherine Jesus. Put Your loving arms around this family in the next couple of weeks.
Amen.

Josh and Kate plus 1 said...

Katie,
I just want you to know that God has been glorified through your story and your writing! It is SO evident that He is intimately at work in your circumstances, as there is no other way that you could be so strong! I know you must feel moments of utter weakness, but His strength is clearly sustaining you! My prayers continue to be with you!
~Your sister in Christ, Kate Walker

Jennifer said...

Katie, I don't know you but I went to high school with Donnie. I just wanted to tell you that I have been thinking of you, Donnie, and Catherine so much in the past few weeks since I heard about this blog. You guys are all in my thoughts and prayers this week.
Jennifer Thaxton (Rosie)

Allison Blank said...

Katie-
You may not remember me but I worked with you in Atlanta (Cobb Hospital). Thank you for your devotion to Christ and your family and for allowing me to be aprt of this journey by reading your Letters to Catherine. You are a truly uplifing soul and your faith runs so deep! I pray that you have HIS peace with you this week and I will be saying multiple prayers for you and Catherine this week!
Love,
Allison Blank

The Roaming Southerner said...

Delurking to say, I am praying for you all. Thank you for sharing your story. and thanks for the reminders to turn to Him. Your blog journey has been a weekly/daily/hourly reminder for me.

A Southern Wedding Belle said...

Dear Katie and Donnie, I am following your journey through your precious letters to your daughter. Many prayers are ascending for you all as you know. Please know that we are part of the army of prayer that stands for you. When you feel weak, we are here lifting you up. You are again teaching us all from the richness of the love and grace you have found in Jesus. We sure do love you - Mama Debbie

Gaskill Rascals said...

My husband Scott and I and our two boys just moved to Richmond(Scott was in Kelly's wedding, so we have met before....sat at a table together during the rehearsal dinner) We didn't realize that you all are in Richmond. We would love to make you a meal soon or whatever we can do. Let us know how we can be a friend to you all! Also interested what church you all attend...we are still getting settled here. We are going through what you guys felt when you first moved here!

KTMurrson said...

Like many of the readers, I don't know you, but came across your blog through another. And yet, you and your husband and your precious baby girl have been on my mind and in my heart since I first read your letters. Your faith is so amazing to me and inspires me to pray for you. I can only imagine the joy and the sorrow you are going through every day. I pray that you will continue to be comforted by your faith and know that God will provide whatever you need to make it through this. Peace be with you.

danica said...

Katie & Donnie -
the Lord has laid you on my heart. i am praying for you and will continue to do so. May God be your strength and your shield. His grace is sufficient.
love, danica allen (milwaukee, wi)

Cazza said...

This is real parenthood. Down to the deepest word. She will be coming home soon to you - permanently.

meganhinman11 said...

Whit, Addy and I got the great news from Grandmother last night. We are so happy that little Catherine pulled through the surgery. We will continue to pray for you all.