Monday, June 16, 2008


hi catherine=)

there are a few songs that have been reminding me of you lately. the first one is called "held" by natalie grant. not to be all dramatic (mommy gets nervous when things get dramatic), but this one is heart-wrenchingly talks about a sweet baby being taken to heaven after 2 months of living...what are parents supposed to do or think we expect to be exempt from that kind of sadness...ultimately that the promise we've been given is that God will always hold us, but not necessarily spare us. the first time i heard this was when your daddy's mom knew she was dying of cancer and i played it for her one day. we talked about what it might mean, what the "sacred" represented in the song...and now the words ring true to me in a new way, my love. no matter how much it might make me cry, i do think it's a beautiful song worth hearing and thinking of you...

fun fact: your granddaddy torrance and i danced to another song by natalie grant at mine and daddy's wedding reception-it's called "always be your baby" and i love it=)

the second song is by plumb, and it's called "God will take care of you". it's on an album called "blink" and all the songs on there are about when the singer had her baby. they are precious songs=) this song is simple and sweet and makes me relax a little...

the third song is probably more popular and recognizable. it's called "i saw God today" by george strait. i think i cry every time i hear it, but i never change the radio station when it comes on=) to me it represents what our dreams were, and still are, for you sweet girl. but we are learning to let our dreams for you change a little if that's what's asked of us...

i hope you like the songs my little one=)


ps-thanks for rolling around in there a lot while i've been writing this-it makes me feel like you like what i'm writing and you are dancing to the songs=)

family photo...


hey sweet girl! this is a great family picture, don't you think? you're so funny in there making my belly so big. you want to know something weird? i absolutely love what you're doing to my tummy! i could just sit and stare at it all day! mommy might not feel quite the same way in 2 months when i can't roll over by myself, but right now i'm loving it! daddy drew on it for the first time last weekend-it was just a smiley face but we liked it=)

yesterday was father's day and you and i made a card for your daddy. we drew a picture of all the new things in our lives this year: our new family with you in my big belly, our new house, our new yard with pretty flowers and bird houses and lots of great things...we told him that you thought he was gonna be the best daddy and we made a list of all the things you love that he does thumping my stomach when he wants you to wake up and play with him, or making up songs and singing them to us, or how he gets me to rest my belly on his so he can feel you moving around too=) he loved the card!

this afternoon he was telling me all about how he wants to add lots of pink to the brown room that would be yours if we get to keep you-he doesn't like to think about the possibility of you not getting to live in it...i don't blame him-it's much more fun to daydream about bringing you home=)

we have a wonderful friend named carol whose daughter, jennifer, was one of mommy's best friends for a long time. jennifer was so sweet and sincere and fun and you two would love each other so much! this is so sad my precious girl, but we lost jennifer in a car accident when she was 19. i am so thankful for carol now all over again because, even though i know our situations are not quite the same, i think she will be such a help for mommy if you meet Jesus soon after you're born. she already does help, actually=) she sends us cards and reminds us of how much God loves us and you and how He is carrying us through this time of uncertainty. there was a verse on one of the cards last week and it quickly became a favorite, especially as i think about you. this is it:

"...You are precious to Me and honored, and I love you."
-Isaiah 43:4 TLB

i think i have told you this before, but mommy tends to like things that are simple, and this is so simple and perfectly true! you ARE precious, and honored my sweet one...God rejoices over you in heaven...i love imagining Him up there dancing around just thinking about you and looking at you in my tummy...He can't get that smile off His face=)
it makes me happy to think about these things little one=)
i love you-

Monday, June 2, 2008

libby, me, and our bellies

Look at your cute little self in there Catherine! This is one of my favorite pregnant pictures so far. This is our friend Libby who had a baby 6 days later that weighed 9 pounds 14 oz!!! Libby and her husband Kevin love you and are praying for you my sweet girl=)

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep


hey love=) i wanted to tell you about this organization called “now i lay me down to sleep” that our friend sara van tongeren told us about-she’s a pediatric social worker=) we have a brochure on it but they have a website too: it’s a non-profit organization that exists to assist families suffering an early infant death. professional photographers volunteer to take maternity pictures and also they come to the hospital to take pictures of the baby and the family around the time that the baby passes away. the local photographer in richmond for this organization is missy bane, who happened to take pictures last year of the children of employees on the labor and delivery unit where i work. we used those framed pictures to decorate our unit, and they are so good! while i obviously wish we didn’t have to call her for these particular services, i’m so excited to see how she captures you in and out of my belly. she is lucky to get to take your picture, and you are going to be so beautiful=)


Donna Marie


hey little one=) i wanted to tell you about daddy’s mom. she was the most amazing woman! i remember before your daddy and i even started dating, i felt like the davis family was legendary in a way (i know that sounds so silly) and i had heard so many wonderful things about his parents. i remember being nervous hanging around them at first-i had never really been insecure with parents but i just thought so much of them it made me feel out of sorts! anyway-that’s also a reason i was so attracted to your daddy so quickly. i saw what his parents were like, knew what he was rooted in, knew he would be such an amazing daddy to you and your brothers and sisters one day…

we had gone to the same church for a few years and i had gotten to know them all little by little-i’d known that his mom had been battling cancer and one day i had lunch at their house after church (i think it was as his sister’s friend-i had been leading her cell group-but your daddy was the one that invited me and i remember being giddy excited about that)…so your sweet grandma donna had taken her wig off once we’d gotten to their house and she had such a wonderful soft fuzzy head with some hair growing back! she was so graceful in that battle-i remember hearing her expressing some confusion too over whether or not to expect a miracle from God, but that her biggest prayer was for God to do whatever would bring Him the most glory…that prayer resonates in my head so often now-it truly is my heart-i know that’s only going to get harder to say and think and feel as you get bigger and it gets closer to delivery time and potentially the time we will lose you-but i’m so thankful she paved the way for us in that prayer.

daddy and i started dating a few months after her cancer had come back. i remember once they knew it wouldn’t be much longer, daddy’s parents called us all in there to talk about what the doctors had said to expect…i was so thankful to be able to walk through that journey with your daddy and to be able to get to know his sweet mama a little better for those few months. her goal was to see aunt nikki, her youngest child, graduate from high school. she did indeed see her graduate, and she died june 13 that year. that was such a sad time…even when you expect and “prepare for” the death of a loved one, it never really helps, sweet girl. that scares me for what we have in store.

however…that does bring me to a fun topic: your name=) daddy and I could never agree on a boy name, but the girl name was always emerson kate. (daddy and his daddy’s middle name is emerson, and he and my parents call me kate, so we thought it was a fun combination of both of us) well now it looks like your little sister will have to take that name, because as soon as your daddy saw you on the first ultrasound screen, he said “what do you want to name her?” which made me think “ok, i guess he’s changed his mind about emerson kate…” and i said “i don’t know-what do you want to name her?” and without hesitating he said “catherine”…..i said ok=) i figured if he felt strongly about something then who was I to mess with that?? =) i thought catherine was a beautiful name--simple, classic, elegant-it seemed to fit the trend of our taste=) then for a middle name. before she married your granddaddy, your daddy’s mom’s name was donna marie hall. i knew in the past that he’d had mixed feelings about naming one of our children after his mom (especially hall, which was my pick for a boy’s middle name), but i asked him what about marie for your middle name…and he said he liked it. it’s been a strange comforting factor in all of this-knowing that if we don’t get you for very long, you get to hang out with his mom in heaven…it’s such a fun picture to imagine you two sitting up there reading a book under a tree and her getting to know her sweet granddaughter. i know she was so sad she’d never get to meet any of her grandchildren here on earth. so anyway-that’s how marie became your middle name and it makes our hearts happy=) we hope you like it sweet girl, and we’re so excited for you to meet her.

i love you,