Sunday, April 19, 2009

silly mommy

hi baby=)

i just read that last letter i wrote you. i sure was feeling blue, wasn't i?? i don't really want to apologize for writing it, because that's how i was feeling and i want you to know all the truth about your tough little journey. but i AM so so sorry if any of it sounded like i was complaining about you. never ever sweet one. you are my favorite=)

mommy

ps-this is a weird letter too, huh?? mama's a goof=)

11 comments:

Gigi said...

Katie,
So many things I want to say to you, but I keep deleting them all. Your authentic words speak deeply to me, and your vulnerability with your daughter as well as the rest of us is a testimony to the confidence you have in Jesus. A constant theme running through the words you type here is that regardless of where you find yourself on the emotional rollercoaster, you are grounded by His steady & constant love. When I read your blogs, even the ones you deem "silly" or "sad," that always comes through. Don't beat yourself up or give yourself a hard time because you don't always feel upbeat. I am astounded at how well you guys have handled everything as it is.
love ya'll.

Alyssa said...

I just stumbled across your blog and I want you to know that there is hope. I used to work at a place called My House. It is a shelter for medically fraile babies who are in state custody. Catherine is so lucky to have a mommy and daddy like you. I know all about the days and LONG nights with the CPAP and O2 monitors and trachs and ostomies...and it is hard work. And not pleasant. At all. But I have also been a witness to absolute miracles, as well. I don't have enough fingers to count the babies I have known who have been given a terminal status and are now running around the house and even talking. As a matter of fact, my husband and I just adopted a little boy from that house and he is a miracle, as well. He had a bone marrow transplant at age 2 and has scars from the CVL's and biopsies...but that is all. Every day, I have proof that we are all living God's plan for our lives, whether or not we understand it. You are doing a great job.

DrmCtrsLtSl said...

I love what Gigi said and I LOVE YOU GUYS :)

Erin said...

Oh Katie, I KNOW I have never ONCE heard you complaina bout your sweet miracle. You're an awesome mommy!

Tiffany said...

I found your blog months ago and I have kept up with it, checking daily for updates. My son, who is 10 months, and I pray for baby Katherine every night before bed. I just really felt like you should know that you are in our prayers daily, no matter what. It is part of our routine and we will not stop until Katherine is healed. I love her even if I don't know her. I cannot fathom what you are going through and I pray that you stay strong.

ShannaRenee said...

i definitely wouldn't say you were complaining at all! you just sounded like a mom who was stressed and worried (with good reason) and was venting. i think that's healthy! we all have these sorts of emotions and i worry about the people who don't get it out- where do those feelings go? and when Catherine grows up and is old enough to read and understand these letters, she's going to walk away feeling unconditionally loved from her mom and inspired by her mom's strength. you are amazing- don't ever doubt it!

Abby & Pete said...

silly? nope. complaining? nope. loving. lovely. tired. giving. and just honest. every post just shows how much you love her more and more.

Brooke Hammel said...

Katie - you never sound like you're complaining. I think of you when I am up with my daughter in the night and I pray for you. I know how exhausted you must be and in spite of it all you are as tender and loving as a mother can be towards your sweet baby. Hang in there. Days will turn into weeks and soon little Catherine's body will be back together. I pray for her healing daily. Be encouraged!

Mary Ann said...

Dear Katie,

You express yourself so beautifully.

Keep up the writing -- your work is a gift to so many others. Life with a sick child isn't easy and so often people who don't have to deal with unexpected problems have no idea what difficult is. Again, you are giving a gift to Catherine by your writing and to so many of us who deeply care and are lifted up by your faith in God and love for your beautiful child and your handsome husband Donnie.

TKD said...

Katie,
You don't sound like you're complaining even a little bit! Catherine will appreciate being able to look back and see the love and effort you put into her while she was going through all of this. All moms feel frustrated and stressed at times, and 90% of them aren't going through anything close to what you are. You are an inspiration to me (and I'm sure soooo many others) because you are so positive all of the time. Motherhood is tough in general and especially with a sick child. You have to be able to talk about it openly and vent to others or you'll go CRAZY and you really will be depressed!!! Keep it up, girlie. You're awesome and you're doing a great job.

Kathy Davis said...

Mommy is a sweet Angel and the best Mommy that Catherine could have ever prayed for! Even Angels have a day where they question their stress levels and emotions-- don't you think? Don't ever scold yourself Katie. If not for you and Donnie, and your Faith & Love, Catherine would probably not be as safe, so well cared for, and loved so completely as she is! She shows how happy and content she is in her pictures. Not only are you an Angel, you are also a human being. I think and believe that you and Donnie are two of God's favorite people. Catherine is another, one of his favorite little babies. He has smiled on all of you, all of us who have been so in awe of your's and Donnie's courage, Faith, strength, Love... all of us who have prayed so hard for the three of you. You are a beautiful Mother, starting on the inside and showing on the outside. I am proud of you. Catherine and Donnie love you. They know how blessed they are to have a Mommy like you and so do we who haved watched your grace, your brave, compassionate, nurturing way. You can feel assured you have nothing to be ashamed of-- you are truly awesome! With our love & prayers for you all ~ Aunt Kathy, Jincey & Mitchell