35 weeks

catherine...



hi baby girl=) today is your 35 week in-utero birthday! so this marks the 3 week countdown until we see your sweet little face. we had yet another weekly ultrasound and testing today...thursday is our day for those. you were just as crazy and wild as usual-it makes us laugh so much seeing you in there as the ultrasound tech tries to chase you around my tummy=) you did great on all your tests as usual, but today they saw that your heart is compressed a little bit. it's still pumping like normal and structurally perfect, but it looks like something more is pressing up against it, leading them to believe that your liver (or at least part of it) is now up in your chest too. that made our hearts sink. not that we ever really got "good" news at those ultrasounds, but at least we never have gotten any new bad news. so today was not the most fun day. all i wanted to do was drive to virginia beach or go to the movies or anything to distract me, but daddy and i ended up watching movies on the couch all afternoon.

i've been a big jumble of thoughts lately-people have told me before that i think too much about things, and i guess this would be no exception. for two weeks i've had this list in my head of stuff i'm wanting to share with you, but i hold myself back from writing for some reason. i don't know why i do that. we found out you were sick when we had 5 more months of pregnancy left, but somehow knowing there's only 3 weeks until you're born feels so much harder than when it was 5 months. bittersweet, i guess. i can't stand the thought of you not being inside me, especially when i don't know if you'll be ok when you come out. but i think we're as ready as we'll ever be. as predicted, i keep having these twinges of anger again...as pointless as i've always thought the question "why do bad things happen to good people?" is, it keeps coming into my head. i do happen to think your daddy and i are decent people, and even as i write this i think it's silly, but i wonder sometimes why us? i feel so sad about it sometimes. my daddy keeps saying how he would take my place in an instant if he could, but my thought is always that we're your parents and in this situation on purpose. i actually don't know how i feel about the details of all that-if God chooses people for seemingly impossible and tragic circumstances, or if He even gave you this diaphragmatic hernia-all i know is that i feel incredibly lucky to be your mom-and that God is high above this defect of yours and that His good will no doubt come from your story.


i love you my girl-the impression you are leaving is already so much greater than your tiny body.


mommy