Saturday, October 25, 2008

baby shower

hi sweet catherine=)

our church threw a baby shower for you today. daddy and i went in your place since you're still in the hospital=) these people are so incredible-i can't wait for you to meet them. they love you so much and are so invested in your amazing little life-they pray for you fervently and passionately-they are so excited about the way God is working in and through you. you are very special to them. i loved them already, but that makes me love them even more. daddy and i got to share what's been on our hearts lately-what God has been teaching us during this little journey with you-how to pray for all three of us better. they allow us to be authentic with them and we appreciate that. mommy gains so much from people letting me be vulnerable with them-that might be kind of weird, i'm not sure, but that's how i've always been. the strange thing is that, i haven't been able to be at church many sundays over the last year because of work and school, so i feel like i don't know them nearly as well as i want to. but they know us=) and i'm so thankful for that. they have dedicated themselves to intercede on our behalf faithfully and all the way through to meeting you face to face one sunday=) i can't wait for the three of us to get to know all of them better. they gave you lots of pretty and fun things. you will have fun playing with your new toys, and mommy will have fun playing dress up with you in all the new pink and frilly outfits=) there is a wonderful something about the body of Christ that strengthens us and refreshes us-the three of us (you, me, and daddy) are lucky to have them. they are waiting to welcome you with open arms=)

so guess what??? =)=)=) i came in a little early to the hospital this morning to see you before the shower and the doctors were crowded around your bed. this is called "rounds". that means they're just discussing you and what's going on with you, what the plan is, etc...and when i walked up your nurse was holding you (at which point you saw me and kept watching me stand there-i loved it even though i'm not really sure if you can actually see that far yet;)) and she had a big smile on her face. so i looked at the doctor and she basically told me that you were surprising them with how well you're doing-specifically with nasal cannula trials (they get longer every day) and with breastfeeding. and she said that they were still talking to the insurance company and with chippenham to see if it would work out to transfer you, BUT that if you continued on this trajectory that in 10 days they'd be talking about sending you home instead of just to a hospital closer to home. WHAT!!!!! we couldn't believe it. i just was trying not to cry as she told me all this and i kept looking at you with your bright eyes wide awake and touching your cheek and listening to her and trying to believe it all-it felt a little like a dream. of course there could be setbacks that change this plan, but we just pray against those and that you will continue to improve every day. so anyway you would go home on a nasal cannula with a little oxygen tank and an oxygen saturation monitor. we can handle that, can't we??? i can't even imagine really having you in your little crib. so they left and i started feeding you and looking out the window, and i started remembering a conversation i had with one of your nurses a week or two ago. we were talking about praying specifically and she was saying how she prays specifically for your lung function-your alveoli-and for your pulmonary hypertension to heal. i was talking about how i still pray a "bold" prayer-you know-one of those that would seriously take an absolute miracle to happen-that you would be able to come home by the time i had to go back to work even though at the time it looked absolutely nothing like that could possibly happen. i just wanted to keep praying it. and sitting there feeding you looking out the window i suddenly realized that God might be answering that prayer. so then i started crying a little=) He is so sweet to us. even if that doesn't happen sweet -even if there is another setback or two and you're here longer than we hope-He is still good. i've been a little bothered lately by how i feel "close" to God when things are going well with you-i feel happy with Him and warm and fuzzy and cozy. but when you get septic or have a bad day, i feel cold with Him and further away and mad. i that. what is that anyway? He doesn't change at all when you have good or bad days. i feel like those things indicate a very immature relationship with Him, and i don't want that. i suppose it's fairly human to feel like that sometimes. i am so thankful that i've been able to at least acknowledge that He's still ultimately the best good we could ever have or dream of and that He is taking such good care of us-and that He loves you even more than daddy or i ever will. but i'm a little embarassed sometimes at how my "feelings" for Him wax and wane according to what kind of day you're having. i hope that changes. or maybe it's ok for it not to change. i don't know=) mommy is quite a "feely" person-very driven by emotions-(again-not a great trait to have!) but i'm thinking that has a lot to do with this tug-of-war with God lately. i feel Him smiling on us and i'm so thankful for that. He smiles at me even when i am boggly in my head. i can't wait for Him to show these things to you sweet love=)

when we got back to you tonight i couldn't quit staring at you. you look so peaceful in your little crib there with your jungle buddies flying around in a circle above your head to the tune of bach or beethoven (whatever the mobile is playing at the time...) you're absolutely beautiful and i just sat there in the chair taking you in. you are our heart pretty baby=)

i love you-

mommy

31 comments:

Abby & Pete said...

Katie...I can hardly believe all of this. it takes my breath away. thanks be to God.

Emilie Smith said...

Wow! God is so good...our sermon at church was about that today. How bad things happen, and good things happen but God is constantly and consistently good with out fail. I am SO happy!!! I love picturing Catherine at yalls house! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Fer said...

OMG!!!!! Those are GREAT news!!!!!! I am so happy for you.

Keep up the good work baby Catherine!

Kristy said...

I am praying that Catherine gets to go home very soon!! :) Love you!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Ack - My tissue box is missing and i NEED it. I just got the chills reading how they were talking about you Miss Catherine... you are a STAR baby girl!!!

AtlantaMama said...

10 days!!!!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!

I'm happy for your shower too and it sound like it was good to connect and talk with others.

We miss yall down here (your other church home) and we love you very much!!!!!!

Teri from CMC NICU said...

Hi Katie! I'm so glad that you had a great baby shower. I am even more glad to hear that your little miss sunshine may go home very soon. I would have loved to have taken care of her at chipp but no one can do it better than you at home with her. She will thrive and so will you. You are amazing! I hope to talk to you soon!
Love, Teri
p.s. I hope one day soon my sweet Bryce will meet your sweet Catherine!!! We will have a play date :)

casau said...

that is most excellent news! prayers for all of you!

Erin said...

What an emotional post. This is amazing, and shows the power and gracious heart of God. He is so good. It is amazing, really.

We love you, and are continually praying for you. Write me an email and let me know how I can specifically pray.

owensmommy said...

I came across your site several weeks ago and have been following up on your precious baby Catherine. She is truly such a miracle. I have read so many sad stories about children with CDH and she is truly an inspiration to read about for this horrible defect. I read on someone else's blog that they feel about God the same way that you do. On the good days they praise him and on the bad days it makes it hard for them to feel close to him because of what he is making such sweet and innocent children go through. However, the Mom that posted also wrote that God created us with those feelings and if He didn't expect us to have him, He wouldn't have given them to us. So, I thought that might help you feel better on the days when you just don't understand why He is putting your sweet baby through all of this. It is okay to have those feelings because He is here to love us unconditionally and this is how he created us. I really hope Catherine continues to stay strong and that she gets to go home very soon! Thank you for sharing your story and letting everyone into your hearts.

Anonymous in Maryville, MO

hannah and tony said...

Oh this is such wonderful and exciting news to my ears, Praise be to God! I cannot even describe the joy it gives me to picture you going home in 10 days. I am praying so hard for these next 10 days (aaah, 10 days, that's less than 2 weeks!!!) that you keep getting stronger and stronger sweet Catherine. Hugs and love to all 3 of ya'll!!!

drmctrsltsl said...

Oh how i am so happy that catherine may be able to come home in 10 days! What a blessing. Emotional posts are the best, what an outlet to not hold anything back. So glad the church gave you a baby shower.

Donnie the Elder said...

I love it that you are a feely person.

Debbie said...

My eyes have welled up with tears as I have read your mommy's post baby Catherine. I feel like you and your family are part of my heart just like my nieces and nephews and their children are.
Bless you little one!
Debbie

Peggy said...

She is so cute!

Jennifer said...

I am so happy for you all! What wonderful news!!!

Katie - God understands all of your feelings and loves you no matter what!

Josh and Kate plus 1 said...

What wonderful and exciting news for you guys. Although a bit nerve racking too I would guess! God is so good!
And Katie, though you may feel immature in your faith, your testimony is an amazing example of a heart and soul completely surrendered to Christ. Don't be too hard on yourself, sister! You're an encouragement to so many!! Stay strong!

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

Your little Catherine has given you such gifts... all the love and faith and peace that God could offer. Today, your words are dancing. What a wonderful, wonderful world! Thank God...

Lisa said...

What amazing news!  God is listening... keep talking! 

kemie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kemie said...

How wonderful, marvelous, unbelievable and miraculous! God is so good....ALL THE TIME!!

~ april said...

Katie,
I don't know if someone has shared this website with you before...but you totally need to check it out and make yourself/Catherine a book.
http://www.blurb.com/

Praying for you,
April

cami said...

I am SO excited to hear this incredible news!!
God is so much more than faithful- he loves to shock us all with His power!

Katie and Donnie- I am SO happy for you!!

Catherine- Keep it up, sister!!

thedunns said...

I literally have chills reading this post Katie! I want her to be home with you & Donnie so badly so she can really start healing! Your house will most definitely feel like home with her there. We will continue to pray for you all & we will absolutely be praying for her to come home SOON......10 days :) Just in time for the holidays! We love you

Kelly Davis said...

I am so happy that she might come home soon...I can't wait to see you Catherine!

ilse sears said...

All of this is amazing. Soon little Catherine will be home. Let us all celebrate!

Dotty said...

Amazing God and all his glory! im so happy to read these words! our prayers will be with you as always!

Brooke Hammel said...

praise God!!! He IS so good!!!

Samantha Foster said...

PRAISE GOD!! What wonderful news to hear. I am so happy for all of you. I will continue to pray for you. God has brought your family a long ways and I know he is not done yet. Katie, your blogs are so emotional to read but I look forward to the one that tells us all that baby Catherine is home with her mommy and daddy. God is awesome!!

Nysewanders said...

I saw Kelly at church this past Sunday and he mentioned the possibility of Catherine getting to go home and I was floored! I am so excited and I am praying with you all that it will happen soon! Not soon just because we want it to happen soon but soon because God has brought her to that wonderful point! We love y'all!

drmctrsltsl said...

Happy Halloween love, although I know you don't know what it is. In a few years you will love it!