Tuesday, October 7, 2008

going backwards

catherine-

hey sweet baby. so apparently you weren't quite ready for the nasal cannula...you've been mostly back on cpap for the past 2 days and then they put you back on a ventilator tonight. daddy and i had just gotten in bed when they called to tell us that after we left, you suddenly quit breathing and wouldn't respond to stimulation, so they re-intubated you. they're running all kinds of tests now to see if they can figure out why this happened. i can't begin to say how sorry i am that you have to go through all of this. it's 12:40am and i couldn't sleep after they called me so i came back to the hospital to see you, but the truth is that i'm scared to to come in and see you with a tube down your throat again. but as soon as they're done running some of their tests i'll come in and give you kisses and hold your hand and tell you that i'm here with you and that you're not alone. i tell myself that'll make you feel better but i'm sure it's more for me than you, isn't it ? i am so sad, and so scared. i want you to be comfortable and happy, but i can't imagine that's possible with everything you're having to do. i don't really know what else to say, my . i love you so much and want to cradle you up in my arms and hold your cheek scrunched up next to mine and kiss it a million times.

mommy

41 comments:

Catherine & Sofia said...

Katie,

I am so sorry to hear of Catherine's set back. Stay strong. I am definately saying some extra prayers tonight. God Bless

Catherine
Sofia's Mommy
LCDH 4-18-06

mummy to angel SKYLA said...

Im sorry to hear that your beautiful girl is back on the vent. Hopefully they will figure out what happened and she will be back to cpap in no time. CDH definaltey is a rollercoaster ride. Lots of prayers coming sweet Catherines way.

Kristy, mum to Angel SKYLA LCDH
http://skylacdhbaby.blogspot.com

Our Life said...

I am so very sorry about this little bump in the road that Baby Catherine has come to. She, as well as you and her daddy are in my family's thoughts and prayers. We look forward to a GOOD update next time!! =-)
Love, Hugs, and Prayers,
Farrah

Tiffany said...

Hey Katie,

I am so sorry to hear about Catherine having to go back on the vent. I am continuing to pray for her and your family. Hopefully she will be back on the cpap soon and completely off of it before you know it.

Love,
Tiffany

sarah said...

We are so sorry to hear about Catherine little set back. But with all the prayers and God's work she will recover fast. you have our prayers.

Love your cousins,
Keith Sarah
Megan Meredith and Morgan

Lora said...

katie-
i am so sorry to hear this latest bit of news. i will definitely be praying for your sweet little girl.
lora rogers

Deb said...

Oh Katie! I'm so sad to hear about Catherine being back on the vent. I know this is silly,but I have little pebbles on a centerpiece and I've written the names of people I love and care about on each one. When I'm worried or scared, I put that person's pebble in my pocket and everytime I notice it thoroughout the day, I say a prayer for them. Needless to say, I'll have the Baby Catherine pebble with me today!Sending you a hug and strength!

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

Reading this post, it is like hearing you speak... feeling the rhythm of your heart... and seeing you breathe. Hopefully, you can see and hear all of us out here praying for your beautiful little Catherine... praying so hard for her comfort during this setback. And praying for you...

With much love,
Sharon - Mom Generations

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Katie...

I'm sorry about this setback. I'm sure your Mommy heart is just aching. I'm going to look foward to you telling us this was just a little bump in the road and that Catherine got off the vent quickly.

You are still in our prayers and still on my mirror.

Dawn Johnson said...

Extra special prayers for Catherine. I'm going on a retreat this weekend and I'll be sure to mention her name for group prayer!

Tammie said...

More prayers coming your way for Sweet Catherine. That's what we call her in this household, and we pray every night for her. You all have such amazing strength, I know God will make this all right. I know he'll answer all of our prayers, yours especially, and get Catherine on the right track. She's an amazing little baby, an inspiration to us all.

Erin said...

I pray that God will hold baby Catherine in His arms, with you and Donnie by his side. I pray that God will give y'all a sense of peace, take away your fears, and remind you of His great love and power.

hannah and tony said...

Katie,
I am praying so hard for strength and endurance for Catherine and for you and Donnie. God is right there with you and He has you in His arms to comfort you and take away your fears. I love you so dearly and I pray for peace and assurance for ya'll during this setback. Don't be afraid, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Love you,
Hannah

Abby & Pete said...

praying praying, all day long.

Heather said...

saying extra prayers for this sweet girl today...stay strong

Kristy said...

I love you! I'm praying hard for sweet Catherine! She is a fighter and I have no doubt she will be on the cpap again in no time! Prayers are being sent from SC to you!

Posh Mama said...

Praying, praying, and more praying! I am so sad to hear about her set back too, and am just lifting this sweet baby to Jesus. I am praying strength for Catherine and for your family. Be blessed!

Megan said...

Praying for strength and rest for all of you.

drmctrsltsl said...

Oh Baby Catherine, sweet love, stay strong and fight. This is only a temp. setback in the rollacoaster called life. I pray even more today that HE wil hold you and your mommy, and daddy close and draw strength from each other. I love you all.

Alexandra said...

I am praying for baby Catherine today.

Lydia said...

Katie,
You know your family remains in my family's prayers. Keep the faith. God bless and call me if you need ANYTHING!!!

Nicole Meriwether said...

Katie,
I have been praying for you, Donnie, and Catherine since I first read your blog in July. But recently my prayers have changed a bit.
About three weeks ago now I went into early labor with our little boy. After many complications thourghout the pregnancy, labor, and finally an emergency c-sections Brad and I were the parents of a precious 5lb little boy. That night as I sat holding Drew in my quiet hospital room I could only think about you and Catherine.
Being a mom is such an incredible role to have. We are so blessed that the Lord would give us such a huge blessing as women. Katie, you are an amazing mom and woman and I am so encouraged and blessed each time I read your letters to your precious little girl.Thank you for sharing your story. It is an amazing testimony of our Lord's grace, mercy, and power.
My prayer is that each cherished moment you spend with Catherine would be filled with peace and so much love. I also continue to pray for the Lord's healing hand to be wrapped around her.

Nicole Meriwether-10-8-08

Mary Ann said...

Katie and Don,

Prayers for all of you. Your strength is truly from God.

Mary Ann

Heather Lane said...

hello from the Lane Family. Our family has been praying for you r family since we received and email months ago from our sweet friends bill and Kelli JOnes. they are friends of a friend maybe? Anyway, we are alll encourged by your faith and strengtha as well as "super Catherine" as my boys refer to her. they love her and want to send her something . i told them that prayers were best but after bugging me for another month I am writing this to see if it would be ok if we sent you guys a little "care package" . let me know youru thoughts. blessings- Heather

melissa said...

gI just ewanted to let you know we are praying for your little girl! Hang in there take a few deep breaths and know that God is in control and there are people you don't even know praying for you and your little one

beverlyjl said...

I have hesitated to post any comments after reading in one of your earlier posts about being a "private person" and hesitating to post your deepest thoughts on the internet.

However, I have been reading your blog faithfully, watching for updates on sweet Catherine.

We are a family of believers, and our granddaughter was born with CDH in December 2008. We know what it feels like to see a little baby struggle to breathe and certainly experienced the rollercoaster ride of emotions.

We (and you) serve a faithful, awesome God, and it is a comfort to know that God is walking beside you on this journey of faith. I pray for Catherine and for you, for strength, healing, and for peace--knowing that He can and will do awesome things in so many ways you can't possibly imagine now!

By the way, our little Cadenne is now 10 months old and is thriving. It is hard to imagine those weeks in the NICU (she was in for 12 weeks) that were so filled with anxious moments.

I pray it comforts you to know that you are being lifted in prayer by even people you've not met. I'm one of many!

Leslie said...

Much love and many prayers to baby Catherine :)

julesb2102 said...

Katie,

I write you this message as I sit here crying. I have been praying for you, your husband, and Catherine ever since your grandmother asked for prayers in church when you first found out she was sick. Please know that you all (including Baby Catherine) are an inspiration to me. Your love for her is so evident in your letters. Catherine will get through this. She has proven how strong she is, so my prayer for her is that God will sustain her strength. Please know that I think of and pray for all of you every day.

Love,
Julie (Brown) Moody

Sis. Gail from Camp Creek said...

Katie and Donnie, please know that you all are in our thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry that Baby Catherine has had a setback. I know it worries you a lot because she has had to go back on the ventilator, and we all love Baby Catherine so much that it upsets all of us, too, but please remember she is in the Hands of a mighty God who loves her and who is watching over her. Keep your faith and know that we are all praying without ceasing for your sweet baby. May God bless you all and hold you in the palm of His hands through this rough time. Love to you all, your cousin Gail

AJ Macc said...

We're praying.

ShannaRenee said...

katie- thank you for opening up and sharing even during this rough patch.....i can't imagine how hard it is. You are such a good mommy and even with everything going on, Catherine knows and feels your love! There are no words....just prayers, prayers, prayers. God is faithful. I wish I could just hug you so tightly right now :) Lots of love!

Brooke Hammel said...

We are praying! Stay strong sweet Mommy! Stay strong sweet Catherine! We prayed for her this morning and will continue to do so.

Aaron, Katie, Kylie & Ava said...

Saying extra prayers for you and your family. We wish you nothing but they best.

TKD said...

We are still here praying. We know that the Lord has a plan and that Catherine is a strong little girl. He will take you all through this.

Courtney said...

I found your blog through mom generations and just wanted to let you know that your strength is so encouraging. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, stay strong mama.

Karen said...

sending prayers..nfvnki

Nysewanders said...

We're praying for a victorious week even though the beginning hasn't seemed that way.

We love you Catherine!

Love,
All the Nysewanders

cami said...

Katie, Donnie, & Catherine- I love being able to pray for you! I am so glad I'm on this journey with you all! Prayers all around.

Love you all so much,
Cami

Writeaway said...

Katie - While we are praying for Catherine every day, I wanted to say something to you as well. When you're in a battle like this and standing by, making decisions, analyzing medical issues, etc. you can start to doubt yourself. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the best thing for the baby? Am I hearing from God?

I think we can get sort of anal about the whole thing. Fear does that. And how can you not be fearful when your child's life is at stake?

So - just a reminder that God always looks at the heart. He sees your motives. He knows your pure love for Catherine. He understands that you and Donnie want what's best for her and you do everything out of the motivation of unconditional love.

In other words. You're doing the right thing. Your making the best choices you can. You're fighting for the one you love. And all of that is GOOD.

In the midst of this journey, give yourself the grace you would give others. Realize that you do all you can and love all you can and that's enough. God sees that and He holds all that near to His heart while He hears your prayers. He is still in control, thankfully, and you are doing all that He asks of you.

Rest in that.

Elizabeth said...

And God can take our anger and understands.

Trech talk sometimes is done as protocol too - so don't fret about it now - let Catherine get over this hump - once the infection clears. These babes sometimes have to take three steps back and one major step forward...

Elizabeth
Mom of Cecilia LCDH - UVA 11/2- 12/10/99 & Noah 8/13/02

Fer said...

I'm so sorry to read that catherine got re-intubated. My prayers are with her.