Monday, March 14, 2011

warm heart swirlings

i know that's a ridiculous name for a letter. here's an example of what i think i'm trying to know in beauty and the beast when the beast turns into a prince, how the air around him swirls and he's lifted up and then when it all calms down he's beautiful and belle's prince charming? that's kinda like what i feel happening inside me. deep down in my soul. not the prince charming part, but that He's swirling things in and around me in a way that only He can, and the end result will be so beautiful. God is stirring my heart. it seems like this happens more in the middle of transition. or more rather, when i'm anticipating transition. more on that later. but in the middle of this anticipation and excitement and wondering what God has for us, other small things have been happening that seem to be synergistic in the way they have affected me. i have read this book that completely transformed how i see the role i play in my little family of three. i have watched my sweet miracle girl grow and defy odds. watching you learn your world and tell me you love me, and that you like my hair, and that you want cars yogurt. and seeing the huge smile on your face when you're bringing me a flower you picked. and hearing you say "i like this song too mommy" when my favorite bob the tomato worship song comes on...i love watching your little heart and brain working. you're an amazing little thing and it blows my mind that God was merciful enough to let your daddy and me be your parents. lately, i seem to fall in love with your daddy a little more each morning when he comes out ready for work. i am NOT the kind of sap wife that says stuff like that on a regular basis to the mass public, not that there would be anything wrong with that, but it feels incredibly awkward to type it. telling him is one thing, but telling our cyber friends who most certainly don't care is something else. he's super cute lately i guess, and i love hearing him say "does anybody need another hug or kiss before i leave?" and then seeing you take off running as fast as your skinny little legs will carry you down the hall so he can scoop you up in his arms and love on you for another minute...and then when he puts you down you yell "one more hug again!"...i get to see this every morning and i can't believe my lucky stars... i was cooking the other day with music playing and you ran up to me in the kitchen and said "dance, mommy!" so you had your little arms wrapped around me and your sweet head on my shoulder and hillsong was singing the song "stronger" (have you heard that song? so good.) and i have this incredibly dramatic moment where my eyes are closed and tearing a little and i'm wanting to squeeze you so hard but trying not to hurt you and i feel so incredibly thankful. blissfully happy. and it occurred to me all over again that God was stirring my little heart. teaching me things that will change the way i live life. i am so thankful to have a God who loves us enough to bother with us. to stir our hearts and teach us things that will make our lives more rich. i pray that our little family learns more every day to listen to His sweet voice. yesterday i went to see your uncle nathan. i am blown away watching the unbelievable things God is doing in his life. kinda like you, sweet girl, his story is as close to a tangible miracle as i have ever seen. i'm fighting back tears just thinking about it. nathan's story is his to tell, so i will skip the details...but God is teaching me so much through him. if you're able to hear his story, you will hear God whispering of faith and trust and hope and patience...when i listen to nathan talk it's like a new wave of these things washes over me. a spiritually refreshing experience, to say the least. i'm humbled by the way God is gently shaping my own heart and teaching me about perseverance, and again, hope, by allowing me to walk through this journey with him. i feel outrageously lucky to be his sister, and i feel far from worthy to be experiencing any of this joy. i am so proud of him i could just burst. i know not all of life is like this. i have sadness in my past, and i know i have some waiting for me in the future. sure my friend has been in heaven for almost 10 years. and you'll never know your paternal grandma here on earth. and papa has cancer. and most of the world doesn't know the joy of Jesus. but right now, in my little world, things seem pretty close to perfect and it's hard to believe. i will soak it up while it hangs around. so thank you Lord. you never cease to amaze us.
"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

i love you sweet catherine. i am overjoyed.

"...the Lord has done great things for us..."


you're trying to make a sad face but really you can barely keep from laughing=)

wearing your dr seuss hat you made at school=)


Emilie Smith said...

This made me so happy for so many reasons. Love you friend. Would love to catch up soon!

I rejoice with you : )

Pete said...

what an incredibly beautiful letter for catherine to read. I love that he bothers us and stirs us, too.

Abby and Pete said...

of course...that was abby, not pete :)

Erin said...

I LOVE this post, but not as much as I LOVE JESUS for working things for HIS GLORY and our GOOD!

Elaine Davis said...

You inspire me and I'm so thankful for you. Love you sister-friend.

The Hankinson's said...

Amen sister!!! So true....thank you for sharing your heart with us and love for Him!

PT said...

Katie - I wish I could jump through this screen and give you a HUG -- loved reading this and hearing how happy and joyful you are! So thankful for sweet Catherine's life - she is a precious gift!!