Monday, September 22, 2008

hazy

catherine-

hi lovey=) it's been a confusing couple of days my girl. you were just staying pretty much the same, no real changes, until today. today was not your best day and i'm so sad we weren't there for it (mommy hates mondays when we have to be back in richmond). i want to be there and put my hand on your sweet head and kiss the corner of your eyes-that's my favorite place to kiss you. so there are a few things that are going well-you are taking full feedings of breast milk through your little tube going from your mouth to your tummy. this has enabled them to change all of your medications (except fentanyl) to the oral route, intsead of through your iv. but you're still having a tough time withdrawing from fentanyl, your narcotic pain medicine. saturday was no fun for you. you are now on methadone to help you wean from fentanyl, so they came down pretty fast on the fentanyl thinking the methadone would prevent you from having withdrawal symptoms. not true, my love. you were crying and throwing up all day. it broke our hearts and i can't even imagine how miserable that was for you. they eventually increased your fentanyl again, and you were a pretty happy girl for a couple of days. they seemed confused by you, not sure what was causing what, which action to take next, etc. it seemed like we were at a standstill and things were just a little hazy. the staff at uva has definitely been outstanding-we have no complaints, and we know that these little periods of ups and downs are part of the whole course...but it's been no fun to watch this part of your little journey. so tonight they told me that this afternoon you went through a rough patch and they changed some things with you. they suctioned your throat and then your heart rate and oxygenation dropped very low. you started working really hard to breathe and your blood gases were not quite right. they said you just didn't look well at all and they thought for a minute that they would have to re-intubate you (and you would've been back on that ventilator that uses the tube going down your throat). instead of that, they changed your cpap to the biphasic kind that gives you a rate of breaths per minute (before you were just taking breaths on your own and the machine gave you some extra pressure to hold your alveoli open....now it's making sure you breathe a certain amount of times per minute). they thought you could be septic (infection in your blood) so they drew blood cultures from you and started you back on antibiotics (which had just gotten stopped yesterday). they have checked you a few times before for sepsis, and you've never had it, so hopefully this will be the same. my heart is so sad my sweet girl-i want to be beside you so bad for you to hold my little finger. you like holding things-yesterday i walked in to see you and you were holding on to the bar of your little crib while you slept=) it was very cute and it made me think you were gonna be a snuggler like your parents=) your nurse said you were better now-sleeping peacefully with the changes they made. they had doubled your methadone dose before they decreased your fentanyl today, and they wondered if you were just "snowed" by all the pain medication that would also sedate you, and maybe this contributed to your problems today. so they've decreased the fentanyl which scares me too. you have been getting sick every time they decrease the fentanyl, but hopefully the methadone will help this time. i pray that God would save you. i pray that He would help your daddy and me continue to trust Him and patiently pray for you. i pray that He would continue to hold you so close to Him. i love you my girl. i am so sad without you.

mommy

20 comments:

Melissa said...

Katie,
I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be there while your little girl was having trouble...but to NOT be there? I can only guess that there aren't words to describe it.
My little girl is 3 months older then Catherine, and she and I pray for you, Donnie and Catherine many times throughout the day. We pray that you will feel God's presence right now -- that He will not only hold Catherine close, but that you will feel Him holding you close as well. He is right there in the middle of all of this with you, and His heart is hurting, too. Keep trusting, keep seeking, and keep loving on that sweet baby girl. :o)

Megan said...

My heart aches for you having to leave her even if it's only for a day! I pray for your little Catherine thoroughout every day. God truly is awesome and what a great testiment to his power Catherine is!

Wilma said...

Katie & Donnie,
How hard this must be especially when you are not there to comfort her. We continue to pray for all of you. And thank you for continuing to post updates so we know what to pray for.

Joanna said...

Jesus I just pray that you would be the medicine that Catherine needs right now. May you continue to hold this family close to you and hold this precious little one through this storm. Father I pray that you would be the comfort that Catherine needs and that you would feel the hospital with your presence.

flo&crystal@ric.va.usa said...

Dear Catherine, Katie and Donnie,

I know that you already know that (but I still want to remind you) there is many people praying for you three, and I also want to let you three know you are on my prayers too.

The most important thing is that I believe that under God's protection, Catherine will grow stronger and stronger.

Be strong and take courage.

Really looking forward for the day I could see Catherine face to face.

ps. Today is the first day of fall, recently weather become much cooler at night, please do take care of yourself.


In Christ with Love
Florence

Emilie said...

I love to shout this song. It makes me think of y'all...

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus. (x4)

Fer said...

Katie, my prayers are with you, Catherine and Donnie. I cannot imagine how you went through by not being there with Catherine. I pray that she stays healthy and her recovery speeds up.

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

If you could hear me from Rhode Island, you would hear my fervent prayers... I hope you feel them, high and loud and strong and full of love for beautiful Catherine...

Kristy said...

I'm praying for you so hard right now. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to not be right beside Catherine every minute of every day. Continue to trust in The Lord. I love you all so very much!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

We're still praying here.. Still remembering you guys on your journey....

Katie-Katie-Married-Lady said...

Hey y'all. We're praying. Can't imagine how hard this must be. Y'alls strength is inspirational.
Love and blessings--the Fribergs

Abby & Pete said...

I pray for the hazy to become bright and clear and shining. love you and ache for her healing.

drmctrsltsl said...

Katie and Donnie,

I will continue to pray for Catherine and that He will hold her close while you all are away while I pray that He lets Catherine know that both of you hold her close always even while away. My heart aches that she has had a tough week. I pray that the coming days get better. I had a bad feeling when you had not posted in a week, Katie. I just hoped it was not true. I love you all and will continue to pray.

Erin said...

I am so sorry for the setback. Will continue to pray for a FULL recovery. Stay strong and trust in our loving and powerful Lord.

ShannaRenee said...

Your description of feeling hazy and confused right now reminded me of the verse about how now,in this broken world, we see through a dark glass. Here's The Message version of 1 Corin. 13:12-

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

That is my hope and prayer for you guys- that the mist will lift and the SON will shine brightly and heal his beautiful daughter! He's already worked such HUGE miracles with Catherine and he'll keep on working. Although you may feel weak right now, you and Donnie are strong beyond measure!! You three are my heroes! Lots of love and strength!

Deb said...

Hey Katie!
Everything looks a little better after some sleep. I hope it's the same for you. It was so good to see you last night and I hope that you get imporved reports on Miss Catherine. As a nurse, you know that kids can change in a mere heartbeat, but they rebound equally as fast. As a mama, you hurt when your babies hurt. Enjoy your time together and draw strength from each other. As powerful as medical miracles are, a mama's touch still is the best thing for tender little hearts. Keeping you all close in thought and prayer!
Deb

Josh and Kate plus 1 said...

Wow. I cannot imagine what a roller coaster you guys are on. It makes MY heart sad to hear that Catherine is struggling. I can't imagine what it does to yours. But you guys are strong & the Lord is mighty! Mighty to save! He has not brought you guys this far to leave you and He promises in His word that when we are weak, He is our strength! Lean into His loving embrace. Our prayers continue!!

TKD said...

We are still here praying. Catherine has proven herself to be a fighter and I have a feeling that she won't back down now. She's only getting bigger and stronger!

Erin said...

Oh Katie. I am praying.

Tammie said...

Hi Katie & Donnie,

I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now. I look forward to your updates, so that I know everything is ok with your sweet little girl. I think of your family often. When I put my daugther to bed at night we pray for Catherine, that she may grow stronger every day and make it through this tough time so that she can go home with you, her love right now, her mommy and daddy. We also pray that you can find the strength to stay strong and positive, which I can only imagine is so hard. But look at the miracles that have already happened; I know it's your faith in God and his works that have gotten you and Catherine so far. I admire both of you for being so strong and positive, for sharing this experience, for being so real, and finally for never losing your faith. Catherine is so lucky to have you as parents ... and I'm sure you feel just as blessed to have her in your lives. Keep praying ... and we'll all do the same!