a little update

hi sweet catherine!

i thought i'd give you my version of what you've been doing lately=) you went to a conventional ("regular") ventilator on your 3 week birthday! that was great news my dear! you've been doing pretty well on that-SO well, in fact, that this morning they made our day by saying the plan was to extubate tomorrow! (that means they take you off the ventilator and onto a less intense machine to help you maintain the pressures in your lungs) can you believe it! i got little tears in my eyes when they told me-it surprises us every time you take a step forward=) you had a few other changes this week as well. you went back on nitric oxide, which is a little step backwards, but that's ok. they realized your pulmonary hypertension is still pretty bad (where the blood vessels in your lungs are really tiny and it's hard to get enough blood to make them work, and in turn the right side of your heart works extra hard and it can put you into right sided heart failure...none of that is good my love). but you've been loving the nitric oxide, so it must've been a good decision=) they also started you on caffeine through your iv and a steroid inhaler through the ventilator. i guess they've been doing their job since you might get rid of that ventilator tomorrow! daddy likes to say that it's the breast milk that's been making you better;) if only that could cure your lungs...but that was another piece of good news this week! you started taking my milk through a little tube that goes through your nose into your tummy, and you've been doing great with that! it was a possible concern that your gut wouldn't wake back up like it should after surgery and after not being used for several weeks, but you're doing great! (aka: peeing and pooping like you should-it's funny how excited we now get over dirty diapers=)) we've been getting to hold you like i've wanted to for so long-with your head up by mine so i can nuzzle you with my cheeks, and i've been able to pat your little booty like i talked about while you were in me-daddy put a video of that on here so you could see it later=)

we're slowly learning to live what we've known for a long time: that this would be a long long roller-coaster of a road...that you're going to have good days and bad days, and to try not to get overly-excited about the good or too disappointed about the bad-because it's all part of it and we have to believe that we'll get to take you home as a healthy little girl before too terribly long. ("before too terribly long" could even be a few months, but in the grand scheme of things that's not so bad, is it?) i cry though when i think about the day we get to take you home, and then when we get to take you to atlanta to see all the family and friends there that love you and are rooting for you so hard...have i told you about how much you are loved? not just by us, my dear, but by people all over the country and even by people that mommy and daddy have never even met. it overwhelms me a little to even think about it. it started well before you were born, when people would read these letters to you to be kept up to date on how you were. well it's only gotten bigger my love. mommy and daddy (and you! we get mail addressed to you now! and i love it=)) get cards and letters and gifts and even anonymous checks in the mail...it's unbelievable. you got a card and a little dr. seuss book (those are mommy's favorite) in the mail last night from your friend eden who lives in texas. you also already have a proposition for a date from your friend jack who lives in georgia-he's quite the looker and he likes older women (he was born 3 days after you;)). people are loving and supporting the three of us so much and i don't know how to begin to thank them. maybe you can help me once you're bigger. needless to say, the people who love us have surrounded us in the most wonderful way since we found out you were sick, my dear, and i can't wait for you to meet them and realize how loved you are. they have paved the way for you to have such rich friendships and we want that for you so much. to know the depth of authentic love and relationships with people.

we are so thankful for you, babe, and we're so thankful for the people surrounding us in this journey with you=) i love you more than i know how to express...

mommy